Sex and Aging


Aging, diabetes, low testosterone, all take their toll on my 56-year-old self. Sex ain’t what it used to be. I remember in my 20’s and 30’s that sex was such a core part of my thought process and how my body functioned. Noticing men on the street and getting all stirred up. I still notice handsome men but the excitement, or stir, as I would call it, is not quite as intense, doesn’t last as long. Ah, the good old days.

Coming out at an age when sex is important but not the primary thing changes the dynamics. I am very interested in being involved in the LGBT community, in some ways, because it’s not about sex but about building community and finding ways to give back.

I am very interested in dating and finding that special man, and sex is an important component of any relationship, but it is not the primary single driving force that it once was. I do wish I had come out when I was younger, but life is what it is.

My changing body does mean that a partner that needs sex daily, and some men do, probably is not a good fit. Finding someone who will explore with me is important. Today the journey is more important than the destination. I am finding that play, exploration, cuddling, touching are central. Reaching orgasm is only a small part of the journey and not as important as it once was.

I’m adapting to gay life in my mid-50s when my heart and brain think I’m 21. My brain says go, but my body says, you ain’t 21 kid. But I soldier on. I go on dates and find other opportunities to meet men. I look for that special man, knowing that he’s out there. In my heart, I know that I’ll find someone special. But in the meantime, I’m making the journey about building community, not about having sex. And building a community is fulfilling. And on the way, I’m finding some sex too. It’s all good.


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