“Hello, How Are You Doing?”


I separated from my wife a year and a half ago so that I could begin my life as a gay man. We were determined to still spend important holidays together, mostly for the sake of our son. Yesterday was the second Thanksgiving since our separation that we celebrated as a family, in the home we own. My parents came to Washington, DC, and stayed overnight, at the invitation of my wife, in our house. My wife’s family: parents, sister, brother, and his family and in-laws, along with a few other guests, attended the event in our house. A house I have not lived in for a year and a half. Continue reading

On The Road To Coming Out


On the road to coming out my first year in college I met Christopher. He was a friend of my best friend Nina and it was Nina that introduced us. Introduced is probably a bit of a misnomer. I had met Christopher briefly and seen him in group settings and he struck me as odd and a bit weird. I did not want to have much to do with him. But, as happens, my ego got in the way. Nina came to me one day and said, “Christopher’s a virgin. He is making me crazy talking about you all the time. He really likes you and wants to sleep with you.” Well, whose ego could turn down that kind of proposal at 18 years old?  Soon after that Christopher and I had sex for the first time. Continue reading

Toxic Shame


I’m re-listening to the book, The Velvet Rage, by Alan Downs. It was a very important book in my coming out process when I read two and a half years ago. As I hear the book again, there is so much valuable information which I had forgotten. One of the important cornerstones of the book, which I have been thinking freshly about is the concept of ‘toxic shame’. Having spent the last year and a half coming out, I was beginning to feel I was finished with the shame I once felt about being gay.  But I am seeing that overcoming shame is really a lifelong process. Continue reading

Getting My Gay Together and Taking it On the Road

affinity groups

We recently launched an LGBT Resource Group at my company and I have been asked to be the groups executive sponsor. As part of launching this group we are holding Lunch & Learn meeting around the company at different company locations. The attendance has been generally small but the discussion lively. Continue reading

Why It’s Sandra Bullock!


I really have only done drag once in my life, if you do not include the Rocky Horror costume I made my first year in college for halloween. My most recent drag experience was at a workshop I took a year ago the week before I separated from my wife. The workshop itself is hard to sum up, but simply put, it was a personal growth workshop for men of all sexual persuasions, but most attendees were gay. Continue reading

The Space Between


The time between realizing quietly to yourself that you are gay or bisexual, and telling your female partner or spouse is one of the most difficult and lonely periods of life. Trying to decide the right course of action can eat a man up inside and cause all sorts of emotional pain. Continue reading

Less Than Everyone Else?


Walking to my car yesterday morning, I noticed the HRC logo bumper sticker I had placed on the rear bumper of my car a few months ago. The day I put it on, I did so with a bit of fear and trepidation. I wondered if the car would be vandalized because of the sticker. I wondered if people would honk or give me the finger as a friend of mine had shared happened to him. But more than anything else this little bit of public display stirred up an old fear that I would be seen as less than everyone else. Continue reading

A Whole Life


I had dinner with my wife on Monday. We have been separated for almost a year and a half. It was a nice, easy, relaxed dinner. We both have clearly overcome some of the pain and hurt of our separation and my coming out. Although, my wife’s pain is not to far below the surface, and I can not really talk to her about my life today without that pain quickly coming out. Continue reading