When I looked down at my wedding ring, like the ring the Green Lantern wore that gave him his power, I imagined my ring had the world see only the straight married man. My ring exerted a powerful force field that hid all the chaos inside and kept my torment about my sexuality hidden.
This is a true story about how I felt inside all those years.
I took off my wedding ring the day I moved out of my house and into my apartment the third week of June 2013. From June 2013 until August 2014 I began a process of coming out to family, friends and work that now has me out in every part of my life. I do not miss my wedding ring, but like a limb that has been amputated, maybe there is still a ghost feeling for the ring.
When I think of divorce, like my green lantern wedding ring, marriage has that same protective quality. Even though my life is very out these days, I am afraid to give up being married to my wife. Even though we are separated, we live off my income; we file taxes together; we talk about our son together and laugh at some of the silliness of eighteen year old boys.
My wife is still someone in my life, that I believe, if I were ill in the hospital, she would come to my side and fight for me. There is no other person in my life like that. I am afraid I would lose that in a divorce.
While I don’t see my wife’s parents much these days, I still love them. They are wonderful people who I would help out if they ever needed anything. When I do see them I feel the old closeness that we have had together. I feel I would lose that closeness in a divorce.
My son has been very supportive of my coming out, but I am still married to his mother, who he dearly loves and is protective of. I would be afraid that in a divorce somehow my relationship with my son would be damaged.
All this said, I know that I have to move forward towards divorce. The next part of my life is waiting for me. And to obtain that next part of my life, I need to be a single man, available to freely be fully and completely with another man.