For a while now, the subject of Trans men has fascinated me. I discovered the photographs of Loren Cameron online, a trans man and photographer who has published a number of photography books about trans men. Cameron’s nude photographs of himself from about 1999 are incredibly sexy and I began to fantasize about what it would be like to have sex with a trans man.
I discovered, a few weeks ago, on Scruff, that I could filter on trans men, and reached out to two trans men who I found attractive. The sexier of the two men texted me back and we began to chat. He had the physical attributes that I am most often attracted to in a man: beard, dark hair, hairy chest, slim, tattooed, muscled.
After we had texted for a while on Scruff, we shared our private photographs. My photographs were just headshots as I do not put explicit photographs online. His photographs were quite explicit. I could see from his photographs, and from what I had read, that he had likely had a Metoidioplasty: surgery to reposition his clitoris, already enlarged from testosterone, to a higher position. He had also had his urethra rerouted through the phallus to allow urination through his reconstructed penis. He had a scrotum in-plant to create the appearance of balls but had kept his vagina. From the waist up he was incredibly masculine: a very hairy chest, ass, legs with a thick dark beard and tattooed arms. From the waist down it simply looked like he had a very small penis until he spread his legs open
We agreed to do a mutual massage exchange with the implication that there would be sexual play as well. When we got together, like so many of the anonymous encounters, there was very little interest in his part on small talk or getting to know each other, even though I tried to engage him, he wasn’t interested. So we went directly to my bedroom and began to undress for the massage. I asked him if he would like to be massaged or massage me first and he chose to be massaged.
I enjoyed massaging him. It was fun exploring his body with my hands, and I was surprised how hairy he was, everywhere. First, he lay on his stomach and I massaged his back, buttocks, and legs. It felt and looked like I was massaging any other man. When he turned over, and I began to massage his chest, again, he was all male. It was sexy to massage his chest and he had a great physique. From the waist down, it was very different. I massaged his legs and gently moved my hand across his genital area. He had what looked like a very small limp penis, and I knew from his Scruff photographs that under the penis and balls was a vagina.
When it was my turn to be massaged, he had a very masculine strong, and skilled touch. I learned that he had studied massage and was a very skilled masseuse, so the massage was excellent. As I lay face down, he straddled my buttocks, sitting lightly on me, while massaging my back and shoulders. I felt a cold wet feeling on my buttocks, and at first, wondered if I was imagining it. I then realized that it was vaginal lubrication getting on me as he sat on my rear. I definitely was not in Kansas anymore. This made for an odd uncomfortable feeling. I was slightly sickened by it.
As we finished the massage and began to play it was definitely a strange experience. It was a mash-up of being with someone so masculine, with all the masculine characteristics, but with a very small penis and a vagina. It struck me that this was not fully a man or a woman, but something more custom, more personalized and individual. I realized that because of the different surgical options and the menu of choices trans men have, the results are highly individual and unique.
The options for bottom surgery are many. There is a Chinese menu of choices that a man has to make about his surgeries. First, there are Metoidioplasty or Phalloplasty to choose from—quite different surgeries leaving a man with very different results. Then there is the decision to reroute the urethra through the new penis or not. Then there is the creation of the scrotum from the labia majora with prosthetically implanted testicles. There is the decision to have the uterus removed with a hysterectomy. And the vagina can be completely closed once there has been a hysterectomy. A person can pick among these choices and the surgeries are usually not all done at once.
The man I was with had a Metoidioplasty and rerouting of the urethra through his new penis. He had prosthetic testicles and had probably had a hysterectomy. He told me that he began his transition at 14 years old. I didn’t ask any more details of his transition.
The experience was different than my fantasies. While I found this man’s face and chest attractive and sexy, his miniature penis and vagina did nothing for me. I found his focus on my body was solely on my cock and wondered if he really knew how to please another man. It was as if no other part of my body existed. I found his penis too small to do much with and the thought of oral sex with him did not interest me. Touching his vagina left me cold and I felt a little squeamish playing with that part of his body. As a man who has been married to a woman, I knew my way around a vagina. But it was disorienting that his clitoris was not in his vagina, which left very little to play with in that area but a hole. The longer the experience went on the more I was looking for it to be over.
As I was having sex with the trans guy I kept thinking about the wonderful man I had recently begun dating. While my new partner and I had agreed that we both wanted an open relationship, and he knew I was with the trans man, I began to wish my boyfriend was in bed with me rather than the trans man.
I am having so much fun with my boyfriend and our intimacy is so passionate and loving that being with the trans man felt mechanical and empty.
So would I do this again? Well, I won’t say never, but it was definitely more fun in my fantasies than in real life. My days of enjoying a woman’s genitals are long past and I found the vagina less than interesting. But now that I have had the experience with a trans man, I can stop fantasizing. It was a one and done experience for me.
I am definitely at the point in my life that anonymous sex with a body, where is there no personal or emotional contact, does very little for me. What I love about playing with the man I’ve been dating is the physical intimacy, passion, humor, and contact we have with each other. These things are missing when you don’t really know the person or have any emotion about the man. So long live passion and emotion. Long live intimacy and emotional contact. Long live friendship, humor, and deep attraction.