Living and loving with him. Finding a man who brings me a deep pleasure. A man who I love to lie next to and cuddle. Never bored in conversation with him. These are all attributes of the man I’ve been dating since January 4th.
It is hard to put into words the emotions I feel. Sometimes I feel so lucky to have met a man that I feel a deep connection with. At other times I feel so cool, devoid of emotions. How to break through what ever I am doing to tamp down my emotions is often on my mind.
The person that meets me deeply is different than I once imagined. We are both so different in many ways but also so deeply alike and connected. Our work lives are different. Our life experiences are different. And yet we meet and find a deeply common ground on core beliefs and principles.
Sunday we returned from a three day holiday adventure: hiking in the Blue Ridge mountains, dinner at a five start restaurant, a visit to a winery…and lots of physical closeness. It was lovely weekend.
When we returned home from our trip, I did not want him to leave just yet and invited him up to my apartment to watch a movie. We watched the documentary, What Happened, Miss Simone? I opened up my convertible couch into a queen sized bed and we snuggled under a down quilt as we watched the movie. The movie was emotional and raw. We were both affected deeply. When the movie ended we lay embraced in each other’s arms snuggling and kissing for what seems like a good long time.
I did not want the weekend to end. I did not want the closeness and intimacy to end as my boyfriend left and the week began.
When I think of the future I do not dwell on it. I have a divorce from my wife to get through. Our living together or having a more permanent commitment seems like a future possibilities that we have not yet reached the threshold of.
I feel so lucky to have found this man and to have him in my life. We mesh so deeply in ways I had not imagined or foreseen.