Last year I made my first visit to Provincetown. I went with a friend of mine for what turned out to be a wonderful trip. It was just long enough to get a feel for the fabled gay vacation spot and experience some of what P-town has to offer.
What a difference a year makes. I am flying up to Boston with my boyfriend to spend five days together in Provincetown at the condo of an old friend of his. It is pure pleasure. I feel so lucky to have met such a great guy and am loving our growing relationship. Yesterday we were texting back and forth about the details of our upcoming trip. He reminded me about something, via text, that I needed to do for our vacation. I thanked him back via text saying that I needed all the reminders I could get. He responded in a way that warmed my heart: “Ok how about this one. You are fabulous and I love you” I felt a deep relaxing feeling of being embraced. I responded back, “Ahhhhh. I love you too tall one.”
It is hard to see clearly how much I have changed over the past five years, and how much fear and internalized homophobia I had to fight through to get to this point. When I first began the process of coming out it was a step by step journey of pushing through artificial boundaries built of outdated gay stereotypes, fear of showing my true self to the world, and a level of internalized homophobia that I could not see clearly for a very long time.
As I think about my goals for the next year I am having a hard time seeing the path forward as clearly as I did a year and a half ago. In December of 2013, I still had a lot of work to do on myself. I had the goal of coming out at work, which I finally did in March of 2014. I also wanted to attend some LGBT related fundraisers with a male date. I attended a few different events with a date. I also had the goal of joining the board of an LGBT organization, which I did in September of 2014. All of these big goals have been accomplished. In coming out at work I learned of a new Associate Resource Being formed for LGBT and was asked to take a lead role. I am now the executive sponsor for my companies LGBT Associate Resource Group, which I love and which makes me a very public gay figure at work.
So what is next for me? Here are a few of my thoughts:
Focusing on my relationship with my boyfriend is one of my highest priorities. I have found something with this man that is special and rare and I want to cherish it and ensure that I am not doing anything, even unintentionally, to screw it up.
Over the next year, there is a lot of work to do regarding my companies LGBTQ ARG, particularly in the area of Trans benefits and education and I believe my prior interest and reading about trans will be important to help me with this goal.
I would like to get involved in the LGBTQ community in a larger and more high profile way but I can’t yet see the path forward in this area. I think there is a lot that I can do to give back. This area is a work in progress that will come as it comes.
I need to move forward towards divorce with my wife. Bringing closure to our relationship will help me move on more fully in my new life.
But for right now I am going to enjoy the next five days in Provincetown with a wonderful sweet man. My goals right now are more immediate: some beach time; a few wonderful dinners out; snuggling in a single bed with my boyfriend before we both go to sleep in our separate twin beds in the condo guest room, and having a wonderful few days with my man.