The man I am in a relationship with today and I were introduced by a friend one evening at a men’s Meetup monthly dinner about a year and a half ago. We sat in the back of the restaurant at a table talking and eating. I thought he was sexy, cute, and probably way too young for me. I was surprised to learn later that he was in his early 50’s and not his early 40’s as I had assumed.
While we occasionally saw each other at different events in the months that followed, nothing happened between us for a long time. Almost a year after meeting him, we were both invited to a party at the home of the friend that had introduced us months earlier. At the party, my interest in him was reawakened. I invited him, a few weeks later, to a holiday party at my house. Soon after that, he invited me to a New Year’s Eve party at his house. We went on our first date in early January of this year.
From early on I found we had this lovely connection. We were both bright, educated men, interested in the world around us. Neither of us had that tired, “I’ve seen it all” attitude found in so many older gay men. We weren’t bitter and we were not prissy and biting. I marveled that this man had arrived at his 50’s without the bitterness and negativity I found in so many older gay men.
It is now July and we have been in a growing relationship since December. We have this lovely intimacy and feeling for each other that continues to grow. We have said, “I love you”, a few times but have been careful and sparing in our use of the word ‘love’. I find him incredibly sexy and I know he finds me sexy too. Yesterday he called me, Hunkeypoo. It is this wonderful made-up phrase that implies that he thinks I’m sexy at the same time feels an intimacy and a deep closeness with me. I love the word, Hunkeypoo.
For the first time in my adult life, the possibility of having a deep, intimate, loving, honest relationship with another man seemed real. As I moved out of my marriage and began a fast track, “my biological clock in ticking” journey. Love, intimacy, and relationship was always my destination. I had a clear vision of where I wanted to go. I also knew I needed to enjoy the ride, and not just focus on the destination.
The last twenty-five and a half months out of my marriage have been a wonderful, joyful journey for me. I have loved every minute of it. Even bad dates and boring men were a wonderful part of the experience. I learned from each step what I liked and what I wanted. I also built a tremendous community of friends in the process.
The wonderful relationship with the man I have been seeing since December is just the latest step on that journey. I do not know where we are going and try not to project out our future too much. I just want to enjoy the ride with him. I love each moment of intimacy, both the full physical sexual relationship we have and the more tender and quiet moments. Sitting watching a movie with my hand gently resting on his leg or a quiet dinner at one of our homes has been lovely and full of pleasure. At the end of a long workday, I love embracing him tightly when we meet and feeling all the tensions and stresses of the day melt away. Our conversations are interesting and lively, and we seem to be able to talk about everything, our interests, events in the world, and very personal and intimate topics. It is all a delightful, fantastic experience.
The world has changed fantastically since the 1970s and the possibility now of having a loving, intimate relationship with a man is very real for me. I wish that I had been born later and was coming out today, but we all have to live the lives we are given. I am loving the life I now have the chance to live and the journey that I am on.