Hardwired Gay


Based on my earliest memories, I knew I was different from other boys. It was not simply learned behavior, but from the very beginning, it was something at the core of who I was. Continue reading

Fitting In With The Boys


I never fit in with the other boys. From my earliest memories, I did not like organized sports. I preferred to play dolls with my sister, watch TV for hours on end, or imagine elaborate fantasy stories in my mind. But play baseball, football or basketball? I was not interested. Continue reading

The Women and the Gay Man


I was nervous yesterday morning as I drove from my apartment to my old house for Thanksgiving. Having separated from my wife two and a half years ago to live my life openly as a gay man, this would be the third Thanksgiving since our separation that I returned to the house for a big family Thanksgiving. Continue reading

The Vase On The Mantle


I left my marriage to a woman two and a half years ago to live my life as an openly gay man. My decision to leave was a painful one. It took me a long time to finally decide that I had to go. I had gone back and forth about leaving the marriage for months. A turning point came in a therapy session. I came into the session despondent, unable to hold a simple conversation. The therapist, expressing his alarm and concern, suggested that I go on antidepressant medication. That session was a wake-up call for me. I had no intention of going on antidepressant drugs. I knew at that moment that I really needed to leave the marriage. Continue reading

Attracted to Men


In the 1970s, when I was a teenager, my father worked very hard on a large multi-year project that had a high risk of failure. He worked long hours, was under a lot of stress, and came home tired and irritable. My father was a man of sharp edges. There was always something hard-charging about him. He was not one to cross. Continue reading

A Letter to my Son


How does one begin to describe their life? Did it begin when I was born? Did it begin when you were born nineteen years ago? Or did it begin when I first met your mother on the tour we both took to the Soviet Union in 1990? For me, the story needs to begin on the day I came out to you and then moves backward and forward in time from there. Continue reading

A Continual Act of Coming Out


This morning I spoke to a man who is in the process of separating from his wife and getting a divorce. He told me that he loves his wife, but after she found emails between him and other men that he was having sex with, their marriage broke down. He described himself as bisexual and equally attracted to both men and women. He went on to describe that he had not come out to his adult children or his friends and family because of how people see bisexuality. He feels that most people believe that bisexuality does not exist and that a man who claims he is bi is really just gay but cannot admit it. His wife had told him that she thought that he was really gay, which is very unfortunate. Continue reading

Gay Promiscuity

Why does gay promiscuity occur? Is it only because that’s ‘just how men are’ or is there a deeper underlying cause? When your relationship is not seen as real, or even worst, seen as an abomination, then it is very hard to hold your head up high and proudly show your love for another person of the same sex. What kind of sexual behaviors do the mores of society, the pressures of religion, and the disapproval of family, drive in men? Continue reading