Klondike Bars and Holding Hands


When is life too busy? Both my boyfriend and I have extremely busy lives. I have an executive-level job which has me put in long days and I also serve on the board of a non-profit LGBT medical center, along with other volunteer work. He works by day as a web developer and by nights and weekends as a voice teacher. Usually, he teaches three evenings a week plus Saturday. All this leaves us very little time to be with each other.

Our pattern has become to get together Saturday evenings after his teaching day is finished. We will usually stay over at one of our apartments and then spend Sundays together. Then we also get together on some Friday evenings and the occasional weekday evening.

This week my boyfriend’s father was put in the hospital with atrial fibrillation, and since his parents do not carry a cell phone, it was hard for him to get information about how his dad was doing. When we met up at a fundraising dinner on Tuesday evening, I could see the worry on his face. He was finding his concern over his dad, and the lack of information, stressful. Finally, he spoke to both parents on Wednesday and his dad was scheduled on Thursday to have his heart shocked to get it beating in a normal rhythm. My boyfriend will be leaving this afternoon for a quick trip to the midwest to visit his parents. This will be the first time in about a year that he has seen his parents and the first weekend in a long time that we have not been together.

Yesterday afternoon we were texting and trying to figure out when we would see each other next. Given both our schedules it will be another eight days before we can get together again. Then he texted me, “I hate this. This packed scheduling thing I mean.” Followed by, “That’s not focused on you, btw, it’s my comment on both of our schedules and “scheduling” in general.” I did not take it personally.

I did not want him to go out of town without our getting to see each other. Last night, after his teaching and my Finance Committee meeting for the board I am on, I drove to his house and arrived at 9 PM, my usual bedtime. We sat next to each other on his couch, eating Klondike bars and holding hands. We talked about all kinds of things: parents; his father’s health; the presidential race; the meaning of the student unrest at the University of Missouri; and our crazy schedules. It was lovely just being next to him, resting my hand on his leg, and talking about the world and our lives.

I think we both feel the need to find more time to be together. There was something deeply satisfying last night to just sit next to each other after a long day and catching up. At 10:30 PM, while I did not want to leave his apartment, I was exhausted and needed sleep. The growing feeling we have for each other is a signal to both us that we need to figure out how to have our lives arranged so that we are more together. But that conversation will have to wait until we can schedule some time to be together in eight days.

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