Boy Colored Glasses

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Sitting in a coffee shop this morning I was surprised by the number of cute, sexy men who came in. Some alone, some with other guys and some with women. Texting my partner as I sipped my coffee I told him that there were a lot of cute suburban guys in the coffee shop this morning. It was difficult not to stare. It seemed like the men were cuter than the women. Maybe it is my perspective, I texted. His reply, “You are seeing the world through boy colored glasses.” I guess am.

Coming out a few years ago and having a partner today that enjoys men watching as much as I do has encouraged me to allow my attraction to men out of the shadows. I had kept my attraction to men hidden for so long and it is so much fun to let it loose. 

When I was in the closet, watching men was my private secret. I did not talk about my attraction to men with anyone. I remember walking down the street noticing all the guys I found cute or handsome. I would get “stirred up”, my word for sexually attracted, but it was all self-contained. I had no one to share it with. That self-compression and hiding of desire are what has caused so many men, including me, to be depressed and anxious. Letting my natural desire breath and see the light of day has made for happiness.

Part of what is so wonderful with my partner is that we both like looking at cute guys and enjoy talking about it with each other. It does not take away from our relationship or our care for each other, and in fact, makes us stronger. 

Some relationships go into lockdown mode: “We are together so now I own you.” Often the term ‘exclusive relationship’ means that you are never supposed to look at and lust for another person for the rest of your life. How silly is that? Everyone does look and lust, but it is so often forced to be hidden. They look at people they find attractive, and they either keep it to themselves or have a few buddies they talk about it with.

The men I am looking at this morning are not boys, but men. They are adults in the world: unshaven; scruffy; tee shirts, baseball caps, sweatshirts, and jeans. It is 10:00 AM on a Friday. The men sit here in the coffee shop working on their computers, acting like modern men freed from the cubical. I overheard one man say that he had taken the day off from work to attend his child’s party later in the day.

Ah, deep breath as I enjoy the scenery.

Next stop today: the gym. Should be fun.

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