What is love? The LGBTQ movement adopted the phrase, Love is Love, during the marriage equality fight to make the point that when two individuals love each other, it does not matter if the love is between two men or a man and a woman. What part does attraction play in love? Can you love someone and not be attracted to them physically? Certainly, a mother can love a child and not be attracted to the child. But what about when it is two non-familial adults, does love require attraction and physical intimacy?
In my 23 year marriage to a woman, for a long time, I enjoyed sex with my wife, but I was not deeply attracted to her. But we loved each other, were deeply compatible. We had, in the beginning, what seemed like a great marriage. Soon, however, as we begin to try to have a child, beginning after our first year of marriage, sex became more like work and lost a lot of its luster. Over four years and three miscarriages we kept trying to have a child. Sex became more about timing, temperature, performance on demand.
While I had never lost my attraction to men, (even though I tried hard to lose it), I felt protected in our suburban enclave, surrounded by mostly older, married men. In the suburbs, the hot men of my college years in New York City were not to be found. About this time the Internet emerged. I was an early adopter to the Internet, and soon had easy access to pictures of handsome, naked men.
We finally did have a child, a son, and the focus of our family life became him. When you are two exhausted parents sex often fades. It did for us.