My New Life

Until my wife was diagnosed with cancer two months ago, I thought I was in the final stages of ending my married life and beginning a neww life with my partner. I went from planning my divorce to planning my wife’s cancer treatment.  My wife’s battle with an aggressive cancer brought me back into her life, after three years and four months of separation. Her tumor was found the week before we were set to begin divorce mediation. 

When my wife called me from the hospital emergency room after they found the tumor, the only right choice, I felt, was to do everything I could to help. Now, eight weeks later, I did everything I could do to get my wife the care she needed.  The tumor is now removed and she is slowly healing. It will be a long journey for her to get back to her life, and even then she will need to guard against a new tumor forming, a particularly high risk for a retroperitoneal liposarcoma. After weeks of intense focus on my wife’s cancer treatment, I am ready to get back to my own life.

These past few weeks I have had minimal time with my partner. I am looking to have more time with him in the weeks to come. When we are in my bed, lying in each other’s arms, and he has to get up to leave and return to his home, I do not want to let him go. It feels like something sweet and lovely is being taken away. 

Just like I have navigated through these last eight weeks, guided by an intent to have good will and do the right thing by my wife and my partner, so the next few months will be guided. I will need to navigate integrating my old life and my new life. I will need to navigate what my marriage means in a post cancer world. I do not see divorce happening any time soon and I do not know if it really even matters. I look forward to spending more time with my partner in the coming weeks. 

Having good will for my wife at a time when she desperately needed my help was the right thing to do. The way I have acted on my wife’s behalf in these weeks has repaired my relationships with her family.  For years I was very close to her parents and sister, and I missed those friendships. Her parents were family to me. Having good will for my wife also protected and strengthened my relationship with my son. 

What comes next? I am not exactally sure. I want my wife to heal and get back to her life. I want to move forward with my partner and our relationship. I look forward to continuing to move on with my life, with this new dynamic, just part of the an evolving landscape.   

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