Wonderful Discovery

One of the stereotypes of gay men that I acquired around the age of fifteen, reading the homosexuality chapter of a terrible book about sex, was that gay relationships were fleeting; that gay men soon tired of each other as men continued their relentless pursuit of sex with other men; and that the idea of a deep loving passionate relationship between men was not possible. As much as I have changed over the years, and particularly over the last five years, I think this stereotype still lived on in the recesses of my mind. 

One of the wonderful discoveries out of my two year and one month relationship with my partner is how much I am increasingly attracted to him.  In fact, as our relationship has matured and grown, I find him more attractive then I did when we first met. Parts of his body, which I once might have found unattractive in men, like hair on a man’s shoulders, I find attractive in him. Recently I noticed his feet as we lay in bed and I found them sexy. I have always loved kissing him, caressing his beard, running my hands through his chest hair and touching his ass. But I continue to discover parts of his body that turn me on. 

I have also found that as our relationship has grown and deepened, the opposite of what I once expected has happened.  I have not tired of him at all.  In fact, I want to spend all of our time together.  The times we are together get better and better.  After a tiring and stressful week it is so wonderful to have dinner together on a Friday evening, usually in my apartment.  Each hug, caress, glance, and our conversation causes the stresses of the week to melt away.  

I wish we had been able to move in together as we had planned before the reoccurrence of my wife’s cancer.  It feels so difficult to have to hold off living together for another year, even thought intellectually I feel it was the best decision.  When I had to renew my apartment lease for another year last week it felt terrible. I am ready to move on to the next part of my life with my partner.



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