As a newly married man, I am finding some interesting things about this venerable institution. For one the sex is better. I do not know why but getting married has rekindled a greater passion between me and my husband. I also find myself looking at my newly minted husband through fresh eyes: ‘you are the one I plan to spend the rest of my life with’, and it is nice.
For months I teased my partner that getting married changed everything. As a man who was married to a woman for twenty-five years, I do think there are changes that come about when two people are joined together in a marriage that is different from living together. For one, marriage is permanent, so it changes your perspective on the relationship. You enter the wedding ceremony as free individuals and walk out of the wedding as legally bound partners who have committed to caring for and supporting each other for the rest of your lives. THE REST OF YOUR LIVES! That is a big commitment and one which I consciously made with my husband.
It has only been a few days but I like looking at the ring on my finger and my husband’s finger. The ring seems like it belongs on my finger and I noticed in a video conference yesterday that for one brief moment I brought my hand up to my face, but the moment passed too quickly and no one commented on my ring. But I was excited to see if my wedding ring would be noticed.
I also like sleeping next to my husband. Normally we sleep in separate beds. This originally was because of my obstructive sleep apnea, but with the new dental appliance I have been wearing for a few months, I am now sleeping soundly and quietly. We have spent more nights together in the last few days than we have in a long time. I really like it because it gives us a few minutes to cuddle before sleeping which is delightful. I haven’t slept as well with my husband as I do when I sleep alone but I am enjoying being next to him as we sleep. There is something deeply comforting about sharing a bed with a man who you love.
I think there was a level of stress I felt leading up to getting married which was a low-level murmur running quietly through my unconscious. Even though my partner and I have been together for five+ years and have lived together for almost two years marriage seemed like a big step. Just like before I came out at work a few years ago, I would periodically get thoughts popping up to dissuade me from this crazy step. I chalked them up to the same battle my unconscious waged before I came out at work, tamped them down and dismissed them. I knew once we were on the other side of the wedding I would feel more at ease, and I do.
I feel like I have been married for a long time but in reality, it has only been four days. So more to come on the musings of a newly married man.