I want to make an attempt to make sense of the recent discussions we have had about religion and the effect it had on our lives in many of the recent support group meetings for men who are gay or bi and have been married on involved with women. Continue reading →
What are the effects on the mind and body of being in the closet and hiding who we are? All of us who have lived in the closet have gone through periods where it was easier to hide and periods where it was much harder.
I came out to my future wife on our second date. At the time my attraction to men seemed manageable and for many reasons, including years trying to change from homosexuality, something that I felt at the time was mostly in the past. We spent an intense two months wrestling with this issue before agreeing to continue dating. We married two years later. The topic of my attraction to men soon went underground for the next twenty-two years.
A common refrain I have heard from older men, coming out later in life, after marriages to women, is this: “I have found the man of my dreams. I’m so happy.” That is, of course, until a few weeks later, when I hear, “It was incredible until he broke my heart. I’m devastated.”
When we think about my own coming out to family and friends, it filled with anxiety, fear and indecision. What will they think of me? Will they still be in my life or will they turn away from me when they know who I am? What kind of hurt and pain will I be causing?
After so many years of progress for LTBTQ and minorities under President Obama, these last few years have been painful. The country seems to be fracturing, first from COVID-19, and now from the death of George Floyd, with cities exploding into anger and protests, and in some cases violence. It is hard to watch for too long without turning away.