A man that I recently met told me that he liked to have sex with men, but that he did not consider himself gay or bisexual. He did not feel any need to have gay friends and wanted nothing to do with the gay community. I asked him if he ever saw himself having a boyfriend or developing an intimate relationship with another man. He did not. He said that he simply liked sex with men, period.
This morning I spoke to a man who is in the process of separating from his wife and getting a divorce. He told me that he loves his wife, but after she found emails between him and other men that he was having sex with, their marriage broke down. He described himself as bisexual and equally attracted to both men and women. He went on to describe that he had not come out to his adult children or his friends and family because of how people see bisexuality. He feels that most people believe that bisexuality does not exist and that a man who claims he is bi is really just gay but cannot admit it. His wife has told him as much, which is very unfortunate.
My nephew, who has Autism Spectrum Disorder, was in Washington, D.C. this weekend on a school trip. He goes to a special boarding school in New England for kids with emotional or learning challenges. While he is almost 17 years old, he talks and acts more like a fourteen year old. He has the classic traits of ASD such as an intense focus on a very narrow set of topics which he will ask about nonstop. He has an lumbering gait that makes him look a bit clumsy. He has repetitive behaviors or rituals, such as constantly touching the acne on his face. But with all this, he is a sweet young man and is very easy to like. Last year he shared with his father that he is bisexual. Since he knows I am gay, this has also become a central topic of our relationship.
My nephew, who will turn 17 in a few weeks, in on the autism spectrum. He is considered high functioning, and will graduate from a special high school with a high school diploma in two years. As far back as I can remember, like many on the autism spectrum, he could hyper focus on a subject to the exclusion of everything else. For a long time it was cars. Every conversation began with the same question, “What kind of car do you have?” He would step through all kinds of detailed questions about my car until he got quickly beyond my knowledge of my car. Then it was houses. “Where should I live? I am thinking of living in (insert any neighborhood).”