The Man for Right Now

A common refrain I have heard from older men, coming out later in life, after marriages to women, is this: “I have found the man of my dreams. I’m so happy.” That is, of course, until a few weeks later, when I hear, “It was incredible until he broke my heart. I’m devastated.”

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I Make Lists

Whose life is this anyway?  I went from living my new gay life with a sense of freedom, joy, and fun to caring for my wife who was dying of cancer, caring for my father who is dying of old age, caring for my college-age son who found himself accused of hazing and working with my siblings to clean up my father’s estate, which is a mess. Continue reading

Passing Water

In my early 40’s, I began to experience difficulty urinating. I learned from a urologist that I had BPH, Benign prostatic hyperplasia. BPH is a benign growth of the prostate, that, over time, as it continues to grow, makes it harder and harder for a man to pee. A man’s prostate, like his ears and nose, continues to grow as he ages. Ok, who designed this system? BPH affects most men at some point in their lives.  Continue reading

New Beginning

Last Saturday my partner came over to the house that I moved out of three years and nine months ago, to meet my wife and her parents for the first time.  This gathering was a long time in coming and was driven by my desire for my partner and my wife to meet. The timing was precipitated by my wife’s increasing decline from terminal cancer.  She soldiers on with a new chemo regiment that begins today, with the hopes of slowing down or shrinking the tumors that increasingly inhabit her abdominal cavity and lungs. These new drugs may only slow down the inevitable, but they will not stop cancer. Continue reading

Butterflies and Runny Poop

I remember in college, when I would feel the need for sexual release as an explosion that needed to take place, my destination of choice was the baths.  I would arrive driven, nervous, with butterflies in my stomach.  My first destination, after paying the fee and getting my towel and locker key, was the bathroom, where my intestines would explode with a complete emptying of my bowels.

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Minority Stress

 

Four times a year I board a plane to attend a board meeting as a board member of a company that my employer is part owner of. While I came out last year to about half the people who attend this meeting, I have not come out to everyone, and because of that, each meeting has a certain level of stress.  Continue reading

Looking At The Future With No Regrets

cancer treatment 2

In my work, I have often prided myself at being able to look at a project and know from the onset if it would be a success or a failure. This same ability to project into the future and imagining what will be has always been a part of my life.  I can often look at a situation and see the essential outlines or framework of what it will be in the future, even if I can not see the details.  Continue reading

Wonderful Discovery

One of the stereotypes of gay men that I acquired around the age of fifteen, reading the homosexuality chapter of a terrible book about sex, was that gay relationships were fleeting; that gay men soon tired of each other as men continued their relentless pursuit of sex with other men; and that the idea of a deep loving passionate relationship between men was not possible. As much as I have changed over the last five years, I think this stereotype still lived on in the recesses of my mind.  Continue reading