As a person comes to terms with their sexual orientation or their gender identity it is almost impossible not to come up against the three headed monster of culture, religion, and family.Continue reading
It is hard to know where to begin when writing a personal history. Do I start as a small child already feeling different than my peers, or do I begin later when I first began to understand my attraction to men? Let me tell this story through a series of vignettes over time. Continue reading
In my prior post I described some of my thoughts and feelings as I approached beginning divorce mediation with my wife. Before finalizing and posting my last blog post I made sure that I had a conversation with my partner to share with him what I was feeling and thinking. I did not want him to read intimate thoughts and feelings that touched our relationship for the first time online.
This afternoon my aunt passed away. She was 89 years old. Like all things in the internet age, I learned about my aunt’s passing from a text message my mother sent to her five children and her three daughter-in-laws. “Sadly,” it read, “Aunt S. passed away, very peacefully, about 2 hours ago. I have made arrangements for the funeral home to pick her up. When it is convenient for all of you, we will have a family service at my home.” It was not really a surprise. My aunt’s health has been declining for a very long time. While I feel very sad at the loss of my aunt, I also know that her long suffering is finally over.
Today I am an out and proud gay man. I am out in every facet of my life. But this has not always been the case. I began dating a woman in 1990, who I fell in love with, and we married two years later. We have a 19 year old son together. While I had know about my attraction to men since I was fourteen, and told my wife when we first started dating, I only began to come out fully about five years ago, and subsequently moved out of my marriage almost three years ago.
Based on my earliest memories, I knew I was different from other boys. It was not simply learned behavior, but from the very beginning, something organic.
Oh, the sex I could have had. I came of age in the wild and hedonistic period of gay culture, the 1970’s, where disco music ruled. While I was not very active in gay culture, I would occasionally foray out. I remember one night in college, dancing shirtless at a bar at the foot of Christopher Street and the West Side Highway, packed with hot, sweaty men. It was an incredible intoxicating experience. But that night was more of the exception. Most of my life, at this time, was generally more contained and controlled.