Trauma is a term we often hear talked about in communities of color and the LGBTQ community. There is an entire body of knowledge about how to support individuals who have had trauma. But what is trauma and how ordinary is it?
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I have a vivid memory of a birthday when I was around eight years old. I had gotten a brownie camera that morning, a birthday gift from my parents. I was excitedly running around the house taking pictures. Suddenly dad was angry at me. I had done something wrong in the eyes of my father. I was never exactly sure what I had done. He got angry at me, threatening some kind of punishment. I remember being very hurt that my father was yelling at me on my special day. There was something about me that could bring out my fathers anger, even thought I knew he loved me.
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In my prior post, I described some of my thoughts and feelings as I approached beginning divorce mediation with my wife. Before finalizing and posting my last blog post, I made sure that I had a conversation with my partner to share with him what I was feeling and thinking. I did not want him to read intimate thoughts and feelings that touched our relationship for the first time online. Continue reading
Khizr Khan with his wife, Ghazala Khan, during the Democratic National Convention. (Michael Bryant / Philadelphia Inquirer)
Watching the antics of Donald Trump is like watching the best reality show on TV, except that this is for real. Just when you thought that he could not go lower, could not cross one more uncrossable line, he does. There is both a horror and a thrill watching this election. Horror as the sheer banality and ugliness of Trump. Thrill at the show. Continue reading
Given how Trump has dominated the news for months now, and the recent complete descent of Trump events into violence, it is hard to imagine how a President Trump would govern this country. The way he incites racial hatred, religious hatred, and violence does not bode well for the United States of America.
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Ireland just passed a bill removing religious exemption from their LGBT equality law. The Republic of Ireland earlier this year approved same-sex marriage in a referendum, which went into effect this month. They are now removing the religious exemption, a topic that has been controversial in the United States, from their equality laws. Continue reading
I was nervous yesterday morning as I drove from my apartment to my old house for Thanksgiving. Having separated from my wife two and a half years ago to live my life openly as a gay man, this would be the third Thanksgiving since our separation that I returned to the house for a big family Thanksgiving. Continue reading
Ken Nissman’s Obituary from the New York Times
Sometime after December of 1992, I got a call from Sharon, an old girlfriend of mine. Our friend Ken had died of AIDS and she was pulling together a memorial service. I had not known Ken was sick. Sharon told me how she had taken care of Ken and nursed him in the final months of his life. I remember her telling me how horrendous Ken’s final days were in the hospital and how he suffered. I had not known until her phone call that Sharon and Ken were even close. Continue reading
Oh, the sex I could have had. I came of age in the wild and hedonistic period of gay culture, the 1970s, where disco music ruled. While I was not very active in gay culture, I would occasionally foray out. I remember one night in college, dancing shirtless at a bar at the foot of Christopher Street and the West Side Highway, packed with hot, sweaty men. It was an incredible intoxicating experience. But that night was more of an exception. Most of my life, at this time, was generally more contained and controlled. Continue reading
What makes love, love? Why does the rallying cry, love is love, that began with the Proposition 8 fight, ring true to so many people? What has changed in the culture that the once unthinkable, love between two men or two women, is now blessed by the Supreme Court of the United States as fully equivalent to the love between a man and a woman? Continue reading
