I spoke last night to a close friend of mine and something he said took me by surprise. Like me, he came out later in life — me in my mid 50’s and him in his early 60’s. He is about sixty three now, handsome in a rugged way and in great shape. After a lot of soul searching, he chose to stay in his marriage, but agreed with his wife to open up the marriage so that he could date men. He has been dating a young man for the last year.
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Coming Out
A quote that I love and keep on a piece of paper on my desk at work, from a Washington Post article a few years ago, is this:
“Life seems to be a continual act of coming out, isn’t it? The boundaries we think are uncrossable, the unnamable corners of our soul that we live in fear of bringing to light . . . are the very regions that allow us to feel complete if we dare to explore them. So thank you for crossing borders, shining a light into those corners — they only make you more lovable, more admirable.”
I love this quote because it reminds me to be who I am, and how coming out makes me more true to who I am and more complete.
My partner and I decided to go all out this holiday season. We are hosting a Christmas Eve dinner party at my home followed by a New Year’s Eve party at his home. It has been almost a year since we had our first date at a favorite Indian restaurant. January 4th is our one-year anniversary and it is hard to believe that almost a year has passed. Continue reading
Thanksgiving is a time of family gatherings. This can make the holiday a difficult time for many LGBT people. I have been involved for the last four years with a peer support group for men who are gay, bisexual, questioning; and who are, or who were, married or involved with a woman. I know a number of men from this group who have moved out of their marriages in the last few years and face spending Thanksgiving alone or with a new group of people for the first time in many years. It can be a very stressful and difficult time.
When is a life too busy? Both my boyfriend and I have extremely busy lives. I have an executive level job which has me put in long days and I also serve on the board of a non-profit LGBT medical center, along with other volunteer work. He works by day as a web developer and by nights and weekends as a voice teacher. Usually he teaches three evening a week plus Saturday. All this leaves us very little time to be with each other.
How does one navigate their life to get from a place of hiding to a place of pride? Pride comes in stages as we repeatedly push against the thoughts and beliefs that made for hiding. Continue reading
When I was first beginning to explore the gay world of the late 1970’s the possibility of having a loving, intimate relationship with a man did not appear, to me, to be possible. Continue reading
