The Little Death

Litany Against Fear from the book Dune, by Frank Herbert

There is real death, and then there is what I think of as, the little death. When I use this term I do not mean what people describe as, la petite more, a term that is tied to the feelings at the point of orgasm. I always think of, the little death, as it was described in the book Dune, by Frank Herbert. He writes in the Litany Against Fear: “I have no fear, for fear is the little death that kills me over and over. Without fear, I die but once.”  Continue reading

Becoming One

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Today I am an out and proud gay man. I am out in every facet of my life. But this has not always been the case.  Continue reading

I Didn’t Come Out For The Sex – Part I


I never came out for the sex. I came out because inside I was disintegrating. I came out because the cost of hiding was slowly killing me. I came out because I really had no other choice if I was going to survive. Continue reading

A Life Compartmentalized


When the Monica Lewinsky scandal broke in 1998, one of the things often written about, dissected and explored was how Bill Clinton could compartmentalize himself. I remember thinking, I get this. I really understood fully how Bill could do this, because I did the same thing.
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Something Much More Organic at Play

gayrightsbabyAs I think back to what I was like in elementary school, I remember being a little bit overweight, not very athletic, and someone who didn’t fit in with the other boys. I felt very much like an outsider in the world of boys. I was a little bit effeminate, didn’t like sports, and didn’t know how to hang out and just be a guy. Continue reading

Growing Old

I just spent the day with my aunt who lives in a assisted living facility. She is 88 years old. Last week she developed punemonia, which the facility caught in time, because she was running a fever, and they put her on antibiotics. She is recovering but severly weakened. Her ability to walk, which was limited before, is almost gone. She can take a few steps at the most. She is very tired all the time. Continue reading

Dear Mom and Dad

dear-mom-and-dadDear Mom and Dad,

It has been a year and two months since I moved out of my marriage and house and into my new life. While the transition actually began two years before I moved out, moving out was the catalyst for tremendous personal growth and change in my life. Continue reading

The Death of Robin William

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I’m saddened by the death of Robin Williams. As a teenager, he gave me countless hours of joy watching him play Mork. While he was seven years older than me, it feels like he’s of my generation. What despair drives a person to kill themselves? Williams, one would think, had everything. He could have left the world stage and lived out his life in ease. I hope as the story unfolds that there is more to it than just that the guy was depressed. His publicist reported that he “has been battling severe depression”. So why didn’t someone do something to help him? Continue reading

Go Big Or Go Home


The other night I was in Washington D.C. walking from 14 street down U street to the Dupont Circle Metro. I passed two men walking down the street holding hands. It warmed my heart. And then it immediately dawned on me how far I had truly come. There was a time not too long ago when I would cringe seeing men holding hands. It would make me very uncomfortable. Continue reading