Back in the early 1970s as I was beginning to explore my sexuality and my attraction to men, I began to buy and collect gay porn magazines. I hid them in the hollowed out back of my mother’s old portable record player which I used as a nightstand. Continue reading →
As a young man experiencing the pleasure of orgasm for the first time it was inconceivable to me that this pleasure could ever go away. If an older person had told my teen or twentysomething self that my orgasms would change and evolve as I aged I do not think I would have believed it. Continue reading →
As I wrote in the prior post, the actual P-Shot, while a little uncomfortable, was a much better experience than I had expected. There was one small bruise where one needle had gone in, which soon cleared up, but otherwise, my penis looked and felt pretty much the same.
Last Wednesday I had my third GAINSWave treatment and my first P-Shot. For the first two GAINSWave treatments I did not use any numbing cream, but for the P-Shot, I slathered my penis up with numbing cream and then waited about thirty minutes for it to take effect. Continue reading →
I began to experience ED in my early 40’s. I don’t know exactly when it started, but at the time, it was all twisted up with my closeted existence and the difficulty in having sex with my wife. Continue reading →
Litany Against Fear from the book Dune, by Frank Herbert
There is real death, and then there is what I think of as, the little death. When I use this term I do not mean what people describe as, la petite more, a term that is tied to the feelings at the point of orgasm. I always think of, the little death, as it was described in the book Dune, by Frank Herbert. He writes in the Litany Against Fear: “I have no fear, for fear is the little death that kills me over and over. Without fear, I die but once.” Continue reading →
As I headed towards my 50th birthday in 2008 a number of things in my life were beginning to converge. I was increasingly dissatisfied with my marriage. As the world around me began to celebrate being LGBT, I was in hiding. I felt that I was going through the motions: holidays with my wife’s family; birthdays with the same birthday cakes year after year. I felt increasingly lonely, isolated, and compartmentalized. I played the role of husband, father, breadwinner while an internal battle raged about my identity and sexual orientation.Continue reading →