Ghost

 Ghost

I am flying home after a short trip to Florida to help out my aging parents. How did the weekend go?  The answer depends on how you see the world.  Mom says, “Doesn’t dad look healthy?  He’s doing so well, except that he can’t walk.”  My brother, who came last weekend, says, “He just needs more PT to be stronger and he will soon be walking again.” My sister, who has made multiple visits to help my parents, says, “Dad is declining fast.”  
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The Hardest Road

 

On Tuesday my wife got a port put in her chest for the two chemo drugs she started yesterday to treat her cancer. The procedure, which took place at a local hospital, was expected to last a hour. My wife and her parents were at the hospital for six hours.  When I heard how the day was going I offered to make them dinner so they could sit down to a hot meal immediately upon their return from the hospital. I knew they would all be exhausted. 

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New Beginning

Last Saturday my partner came over to the house that I moved out of three years and nine months ago, to meet my wife and her parents for the first time.  This gathering was a long time in coming and was driven by my desire for my partner and my wife to meet. The timing was precipitated by my wife’s increasing decline from terminal cancer.  She soldiers on with a new chemo regiment that begins today, with the hopes of slowing down or shrinking the tumors that increasingly inhabit her abdominal cavity and lungs. These new drugs may only slow down the inevitable, but they will not stop the cancer.  

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Looking At The Future With No Regrets

In my work I have often prided myself at being able to look at a project and know from the onset if it would be a success or a failure.  This same projecting into the future and imagining what will be has always been a part of my life.  I can often look at a situation and see the key outlines or framework of what it will be in the future, even if I can not see the details. 

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Memories of Past and Future

Today is the anniversary of my grandmothers death.  She died March 4th 2004 at the age of 100.  Tomorrow I will visit her grave, a ritual I do whenever I am in South Florida.  She is buried next to my grandfather, whom I never knew.  My grandfather died five years before I was born of a massive heart attack.  
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My New Life

Until my wife was diagnosed with cancer two months ago, I thought I was in the final stages of ending my married life and beginning a neww life with my partner. I went from planning my divorce to planning my wife’s cancer treatment.  My wife’s battle with an aggressive cancer brought me back into her life, after three years and four months of separation. Her tumor was found the week before we were set to begin divorce mediation. 

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