Nantucket Reds

Nantucket Reds Walking around Nantucket yesterday brought up emotions in me that date back to my childhood.  My reaction to seeing a certain type of well to do men and women, dressed in elite preppy styles, full of self confidence and sureness, implying a closed exclusive world, is not good. It makes me cringe inside and feel uncomfortable. It also encourages my contempt. 
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Me and Football

The men stood around the large 36 inch color TV, encased in the fine wood finish of an expensive 1960’s television. They spoke a language that was indecipherable to me. Grunts and cheers. Screaming at the TV. “Ah, Christ, that was a terrible call.” “Go! Go! What’s the matter with you?” They spoke a raw angry tribal language I did not understand. The violence of their shouting frightened me. I was probably five or six years old. Continue reading

Masculine / Discrete

I see many profiles on sites like Grindr and Scruff tags or descriptor that say: masculine only; discrete; no fems. Why? Why, in this day and age where a man in many parts of the country can easily be out and proud, do men want the gay part of their life hidden? While I do understand this thinking, it also makes me angry. In my book, a man that wants to be discrete is immediate disqualification for a potential date. After fighting so hard to be out of the closet and to root out internalized homophobia and shame within myself, I do not want to go back in the closet. Also, the term discrete implies an anonymous hook up without the possibility of anything more. Continue reading

Real Boys Are…

I am fascinated by the subject of transgender men and women and their stories. Earlier this year I read Janet Mock’s new book, Redefining Realness: My Path to Womanhood, Identity, Love & So Much More. It was a wonderful book that I could not put it down. I am now reading another autobiography by a transgender woman, A Queer and Pleasant Danger: A Memoir by Kate Bornstein. This is a very different kind of book, but also quite enjoyable. Continue reading

Is The Gay Showing?

As I went from teenager to adult, from student to white collar worker, I began to actively compartmentalize the gay man within.  I walled off a corner of myself that was gay and it became my own private landscape.  I would be attracted to a man on the street but it never took physical form.  The attraction was walled off in my mind and emotions.  While I went on to get married, have a child, and continued to experience professional growth and some success, I was on constant guard.  Was the gay showing?

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