My Life: Vignettes Over Time – Chapter I

new-life-chapter-1

It is hard to know where to begin when writing a personal history.  Do I start as a small child already feeling different than my peers, or do I begin later when I first began to understand my attraction to men?  Let me tell this story through a series of vignettes over time. Continue reading

Different

Now, “different” is nice, but it sure isn’t pretty
“Pretty” is what it’s about
I never met anyone who was “different”
Who couldn’t figure that out

– At The Ballet from A Chorus Line

I knew I was different from a very young age, even though my mother, grandmother, and aunt tried to turn it into being special. As the character Bebe sings in A Chorus Line, I figured out that I was not like the other boys, and it was not a good thing. I did not engage in baseball on the playground, I was utterly disinterested in sports and could not get my head around the rules or players’ role in different games. Continue reading

No Longer Home

Since before my wife’s death this past April, I began to live in the house that I had moved out of four years earlier when I began my life as an out gay man. I had never planned to live in our house again. But that all changed as my wife’s health declined from terminal cancer.  Continue reading

Finding My Joy – Part II

sunset2

My parents are in their late 80’s and last year my brother and I took over the management and care of two adjacent summer houses in New England. We are renting out the larger house for the first time ever this summer and worked for the last year to get the house de-junked, fixed up, spruced up and ready to rent. Continue reading

Nantucket Reds

92644

Walking around Nantucket yesterday brought up emotions in me that date back to my childhood. My reaction to seeing a certain type of well to do men and women, dressed in elite preppy styles, full of self-confidence and sureness, implying a closed exclusive world, is not good. It makes me cringe inside and feel uncomfortable. It also encourages my contempt.  Continue reading

Fever

photo-20151212194801010

I came down to Philadelphia to watch my three and a half-year-old niece for three days while my brother and sister-in-law went to Las Vegas for the birthday of one of his oldest friends. Yesterday, day one, was easy. My niece was in pre-school most of the morning so I got to go to the gym and run some errands. Today, day two, was another story. Continue reading

Joy and Rapture

f95f6060672a4d9fc88dbf8bc3da638e

There is a guy who I thought was cute when I first met him at a Meetup event last year. I invited him to a party I had at my home over the holidays. He then sent me a Shout-Out on the MR App which said: geekster thinks you’re handsome. I replied that I thought he was handsome too, and we were off and running. Continue reading

Not Your Shame Alone

Crooked politician hiding face from photographers after political scandal

I received an email from a man in his mid 50’s who is married, considers himself gay, has never been with a man sexually, and feels tremendously guilty and ashamed. He asked me: “Does anyone else have this similar situation – or am I the only 55-year-old virgin to sex with a man who is afraid to change his present situation?”  Continue reading