Since before my wife’s death this past April, I began to live in the house that I had moved out of four years earlier, when I began my life as an out gay man. I had never planned to live in our house again. But that all changed as my wife’s health declined from terminal cancer.
Over five and a half years ago I came out to my wife as a gay man for the second time. The first time was shortly after we met twenty five years ago. After painfully wrestling with the kind of life I wanted to live going forward, I made the decision to move out of my marriage. My wife and I separated over three and a half years ago.
It has been over three years since I left my marriage of twenty years and moved out of my house to begin a new life as an out gay man at 55 years of age. It has been a fantastic and life changing few years. I have loved every minute of my new life and have approached starting over with a sense of fun and energy and drive that I did not know I was capable of.
There was a man I got to know as I began coming out. Gary and I met on Grindr on a Friday evening in the Fall of 2011 as I sat in a restaurant, near Dupont Circle, eating dinner. I had just driven into Washington, D.C. from work and was grabbing a quick bite before heading off to a support group meeting for gay, bisexual and queer men who were, or had been involved with, or married to a women. Gary and I continued texting on Grindr over the next week and soon arranged a meeting. We immediately liked each other and had a good deal in common. My relationship with Gary never became physical but we soon became good friends and spent time together going to art movies and exploring the cultural scene in Washington, D.C.
Our dog has cancer. He has a form of blood cancer of which there is no cure. The doctors have said the cancer will kill him in three to six months. Last week he had emergency surgery to remove one of his kidneys that had a large tumor, caused by the cancer, that was making him very sick. Tumor free for the moment, you would never know had ever been sick. He is now full of energy and bounce. But as the cancer continues to do its work, other tumors will form and eventually he will die.
I left my marriage after my son completed 11th grade year in high school. At the time, because he had seemed so well adjusted, and because my wife had kept her emotions so well hidden from him, I did not understand how much she would rely on him, once I left the house, to support her heal from the grief and pain she felt. Continue reading →
This past Sunday was Mothers Day. While I feel my life has moved on in so many ways since separating from my wife almost two years ago, I felt that as the mother of our son, I needed to call her and wish her a happy mothers day. It was a strange feeling because I knew my wife and son would be getting together with my wife’s family to celebrate mothers day. Even though I would not have joined my wife and her family, it felt, none the less, like I had been left out of something. I called her cell. Got her voice mail, and left her a message. She did not call back. Continue reading →