Loving a Man versus Loving a Woman

Photo 20160305170430112

There was a man I got to know as I began coming out. Gary and I met on Grindr on a Friday evening in the Fall of 2011 as I sat in a restaurant, near Dupont Circle, eating dinner. I had just driven into Washington, D.C. from work and was grabbing a quick bite before heading off to a support group meeting for gay, bisexual and queer men who were, or had been involved with, or married to women.  Continue reading

Tough Moments


I left my marriage after my son completed the 11th grade year in high school. At the time, because he had seemed so well adjusted, and because my wife had kept her emotions so well hidden from him, I did not understand how much she would rely on him, once I left the house, to support her healing from the grief and pain she felt. Continue reading

Mothers Day


This past Sunday was Mother’s Day. While I feel my life has moved on in so many ways since separating from my wife almost two years ago, I felt that as the mother of our son, I needed to call her and wish her a happy Mother’s Day. It was a strange feeling because I knew my wife and son would be getting together with my wife’s family to celebrate Mother’s Day. Even though I would not want to join my wife and her family, it felt, none the less, like I had been left out of something. I called her cell. Got her voice mail, and left her a message. She did not call back. Continue reading

Squeezing the Balloon

My goal in coming out was, in full public view, to fully experience the gay world, find love, and live happily ever after. And while this may read like a teenage fantasy, I think I am accomplishing my goals. 

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Gay Boy Marching


Coming out at 55 years of age leaves a gay gap in my memories. I sat on the sidelines as AIDS raged. I walked the other direction in New York City when I realized the gay pride parade was in full wildness in the mid-1990s. When learned that an old friend of mine, Ken, had died of AIDS, I went to the memorial service, but then returned to my life in the closet.  Continue reading

Green Lantern’s Ring

green lantern

When I looked down at my wedding ring, like the ring the Green Lantern wore that gave him his power, I imagined my ring had the world see only the straight married man. My ring exerted a powerful force field that hid all the chaos inside and kept my torment about my sexuality hidden.  Continue reading

Friday 2:53 AM

Friday 2:53 AM

“Hey dad, I know you probably are asleep right now, but I saw a movie, and it reminded me of you. It’s called Beginners, you might have seen it. I just wanted to say I love you and will always love you no matter what happens. You are the greatest father, and you have taught me how to be a man. Sorry for the late text, but I feel like sometimes I don’t really show how much I appreciate you, and I just wanted to make sure you knew.” Continue reading

Sympathy or Empathy


What is the difference between empathy and sympathy?

From Dictionary.com:

Both empathy and sympathy are feelings concerning other people. Sympathy is literally ‘feeling with’ – compassion for or commiseration with another person. Empathy, by contrast, is literally ‘feeling into’ – the ability to project one’s personality into another person and more fully understand that person. Continue reading

Not Your Shame Alone

Crooked politician hiding face from photographers after political scandal

I received an email from a man in his mid 50’s who is married, considers himself gay, has never been with a man sexually, and feels tremendously guilty and ashamed. He asked me: “Does anyone else have this similar situation – or am I the only 55-year-old virgin to sex with a man who is afraid to change his present situation?”  Continue reading