The Wedding Kiss

As I have tried to think through why talk of marriage to my partner continues to cause a level of anxiety I have landed on the wedding kiss as one of the key triggers. Continue reading

Becoming One

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Today I am an out and proud gay man. I am out in every facet of my life. But this has not always been the case.  Continue reading

A Small Act of Courage

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A quote that I love and keep on a piece of paper on my desk at work, from a Washington Post article a few years ago, is this:

“Life seems to be a continual act of coming out, isn’t it? The boundaries we think are uncrossable, the unnamable corners of our soul that we live in fear of bringing to light . . . are the very regions that allow us to feel complete if we dare to explore them. So thank you for crossing borders, shining a light into those corners — they only make you more lovable, more admirable.”

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Hating The Gay Within

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A man that I recently met told me that he liked to have sex with men, but that he did not consider himself gay or bisexual. He did not feel any need to have gay friends and wanted nothing to do with the gay community. I asked him if he ever saw himself having a boyfriend or developing an intimate relationship with another man. He did not. He said that he simply liked sex with men, period. Continue reading

Now That I’m Dancing Who Cares If I Ever Stop!*

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Yesterday I walked in Washington, D.C. with a man that I am getting close to. We had gone to a museum and then lunch. As we walked down 17th Street in what is a heavily gay area of D.C., I put my arm through his for what was probably only a few steps. I was very conscious that we were in what I thought of as a safe part of town for gay men, and loved the intimacy of being able to walk in this way. It was a freedom and public display of affection that was intimate and pleasurable. Continue reading

The Space Between

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The time between realizing quietly to yourself that you are gay or bisexual, and telling your female partner or spouse is one of the most difficult and lonely periods of life. Trying to decide the right course of action can eat a man up inside and cause all sorts of emotional pain. Continue reading

What A Difference A Year (and a few months) Makes

This Fall my son went off to college, and this weekend is parents weekend, where all the families come up to the University to visit.  When I think back to the summer of 2013 when my wife and I separated, and the painful months leading up to my moving out of our home of many years into my own apartment, I marvel at how far we have come.  Continue reading

A Boy Who Will Be Gay

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The other day my sister shared with me that she missed being able to go my parents, who are now in their mid 80’s, for their counsel and advice. It surprised me, because, since leaving home for college, I’ve rarely gone to my parents for any kind of counsel or advice. Continue reading

The Politics of Weddings

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I remember years ago reading an article in the New York Times, Hers column about the politics of weddings. It was written by a young woman rabbi. She wrote about the irreversible choices people made around wedding on who to include or exclude and who will sit with whom. When I got married in 1993 I was determined to have a wedding free of petty angers and hurts. Rather than think about it just as our day, we thought about how to make it the best experience for all the attendees. I think we succeeded. Continue reading