No Longer Home

Since before my wife’s death this past April, I began to live in the house that I had moved out of four years earlier when I began my life as an out gay man. I had never planned to live in our house again. But that all changed as my wife’s health declined from terminal cancer.  Continue reading

The Hardest Road

 

On Tuesday my wife got a port put in her chest for the two chemo drugs she started yesterday to treat her cancer. The procedure, which took place at a local hospital, was expected to last an hour. My wife and her parents were at the hospital for six hours. When I heard how the day was going I offered to make them dinner so they could sit down to a hot meal immediately upon their return from the hospital. I knew they would all be exhausted.  Continue reading

My New Life

Until my wife was diagnosed with cancer two months ago, I thought I was in the final stages of ending my married life and beginning a new life with my partner. I went from planning my divorce to planning my wife’s cancer treatment. My wife’s battle with an aggressive liposarcoma cancer brought me back into her life, after three years and four months of separation. Her tumor was found the week before we were set to begin divorce mediation.  Continue reading

The Women and the Gay Man

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I was nervous yesterday morning as I drove from my apartment to my old house for Thanksgiving. Having separated from my wife two and a half years ago to live my life openly as a gay man, this would be the third Thanksgiving since our separation that I returned to the house for a big family Thanksgiving. Continue reading

A Continual Act of Coming Out

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This morning I spoke to a man who is in the process of separating from his wife and getting a divorce. He told me that he loves his wife, but after she found emails between him and other men that he was having sex with, their marriage broke down. He described himself as bisexual and equally attracted to both men and women. He went on to describe that he had not come out to his adult children or his friends and family because of how people see bisexuality. He feels that most people believe that bisexuality does not exist and that a man who claims he is bi is really just gay but cannot admit it. His wife had told him that she thought that he was really gay, which is very unfortunate. Continue reading

Mothers Day

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This past Sunday was Mother’s Day. While I feel my life has moved on in so many ways since separating from my wife almost two years ago, I felt that as the mother of our son, I needed to call her and wish her a happy Mother’s Day. It was a strange feeling because I knew my wife and son would be getting together with my wife’s family to celebrate Mother’s Day. Even though I would not want to join my wife and her family, it felt, none the less, like I had been left out of something. I called her cell. Got her voice mail, and left her a message. She did not call back. Continue reading

Green Lantern’s Ring

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When I looked down at my wedding ring, like the ring the Green Lantern wore that gave him his power, I imagined my ring had the world see only the straight married man. My ring exerted a powerful force field that hid all the chaos inside and kept my torment about my sexuality hidden.  Continue reading

What A Difference A Year (and a few months) Makes

This Fall my son went off to college, and this weekend is parents weekend, where all the families come up to the University to visit.  When I think back to the summer of 2013 when my wife and I separated, and the painful months leading up to my moving out of our home of many years into my own apartment, I marvel at how far we have come.  Continue reading