Hating The Gay Within

A man that I recently met told me that he liked to have sex with men, but that he did not consider himself gay or bisexual. He did not feel any need to have gay friends and wanted nothing to do with the gay community. I asked him if he ever saw himself having a boyfriend or developing an intimate relationship with another man. He did not. He said that he simply liked sex with men, period.

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Brave New Gay World

The phrase, internalized homophobia, sounds like such a clinical term for something that is so insidious and works within so many gay men.

Wikipedia describes internalized homophobia this way:

“Internalized homophobia refers to negative stereotypes, beliefs, stigma, and prejudice about homosexuality and LGBT people that a person with same-sex attraction turns inward on themselves, whether or not they identify as LGBT.”

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Meeting The Parents

I came out at work last year. As the day I planned to start coming out drew closer, my mind was besieged with all kinds of thoughts about why I should not come out. The smoke screen of messages, driven by what I began to see as internalized homophobia, almost stopped me cold. But as I began to fight these random thoughts, I saw the thoughts for what they were: old messages about being gay which I had grown up with that were long outdated and wrong. I was able to move forward and come out at work because I could see the crazy thoughts as false roadblocks. Continue reading