Sex With Men

I came out to my future wife on our second date. At the time my attraction to men seemed manageable and for many reasons, including years trying to change from homosexuality, something that I felt at the time was mostly in the past. We spent an intense two months wrestling with this issue before agreeing to continue dating. We married two years later. The topic of my attraction to men soon went underground for the next twenty-two years.

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Two Versions of Myself

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I facilitate peer support meetings for men who are attracted to men and have been married or involved with a woman. In a recent meeting, a man said he felt that there were “two versions of myself.” I felt very much the same for most of my adult life. Continue reading

My New Life

Until my wife was diagnosed with cancer two months ago, I thought I was in the final stages of ending my married life and beginning a new life with my partner. I went from planning my divorce to planning my wife’s cancer treatment. My wife’s battle with an aggressive liposarcoma cancer brought me back into her life, after three years and four months of separation. Her tumor was found the week before we were set to begin divorce mediation.  Continue reading

Ageless

After traveling to New York City on Amtrak, I headed for the F subway train, carrying my suitcase and backpack up and down the stairs. I got off the F train at the Lexington avenue stop and followed the signs to the uptown 6 train. The signs took everyone to a narrow broken escalator that looked to connect us to the floor above.  Continue reading

Deeply Romantic

I spoke last night to a close friend of mine and something he said took me by surprise. Like me, he came out later in life — me in my mid 50’s and him in his early 60’s. He is about sixty-three now, handsome in a rugged way and in great shape. After a lot of soul searching, he chose to stay in his marriage but agreed with his wife to open up the marriage so that he could date men. He has been dating a young man for the last year. Continue reading

Loving a Man versus Loving a Woman

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There was a man I got to know as I began coming out. Gary and I met on Grindr on a Friday evening in the Fall of 2011 as I sat in a restaurant, near Dupont Circle, eating dinner. I had just driven into Washington, D.C. from work and was grabbing a quick bite before heading off to a support group meeting for gay, bisexual and queer men who were, or had been involved with, or married to women.  Continue reading

Hating The Gay Within

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A man that I recently met told me that he liked to have sex with men, but that he did not consider himself gay or bisexual. He did not feel any need to have gay friends and wanted nothing to do with the gay community. I asked him if he ever saw himself having a boyfriend or developing an intimate relationship with another man. He did not. He said that he simply liked sex with men, period. Continue reading

Gay Promiscuity

Why does gay promiscuity occur? Is it only because that’s ‘just how men are’ or is there a deeper underlying cause? When your relationship is not seen as real, or even worst, seen as an abomination, then it is very hard to hold your head up high and proudly show your love for another person of the same sex. What kind of sexual behaviors do the mores of society, the pressures of religion, and the disapproval of family, drive in men? Continue reading

Weekend Without You

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My boyfriend and I have spent most weekends together for a very long time. Our combined schedules make it very hard for us to get together on weeknights. But this weekend he was away visiting his parents, following his father’s hospitalization for atrial fibrillation. Today is Monday and my boyfriend flies back to Washington, D.C. later this afternoon. Continue reading

Klondike Bars and Holding Hands

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When is life too busy? Both my boyfriend and I have extremely busy lives. I have an executive-level job which has me put in long days and I also serve on the board of a non-profit LGBT medical center, along with other volunteer work. He works by day as a web developer and by nights and weekends as a voice teacher. Usually, he teaches three evenings a week plus Saturday. All this leaves us very little time to be with each other. Continue reading