Sex With Men

I came out to my future wife on our second date. At the time my attraction to men seemed manageable and for many reasons, including years trying to change from homosexuality, something that I felt at the time was mostly in the past. We spent an intense two months wrestling with this issue before agreeing to continue dating. We married two years later. The topic of my attraction to men soon went underground for the next twenty-two years.

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My Life: Vignettes Over Time – Part IV

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When I look back at my journals from 2012 when I first began to come out, what I wrote extensively about was finding love. I wrote in one journal entry, “I want true love. I want to find that one guy who I can be a soul mate with, that I can be honest and real with and have a deep connection with. Is it possible? I really don’t know. I feel that so many of us are so damaged by this age, that I’m not sure what I want is real or attainable.” Continue reading

God Wanted Me To Have Bigger Closets

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Over five and a half years ago, I came out to my wife as a gay man for the second time. The first time I came out to her was soon after we met twenty-five years ago. After painfully wrestling with the kind of life I wanted to live going forward, I made the decision to move out of my marriage. My wife and I separated over three and a half years ago.  Continue reading

Falling In Love

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What is love? The LGBTQ movement adopted the phrase, Love is Love, during the marriage equality fight to make the point that when two individuals love each other, it does not matter if the love is between two men or a man and a woman.  Continue reading

The Counterpoint

In my prior post, I described some of my thoughts and feelings as I approached beginning divorce mediation with my wife. Before finalizing and posting my last blog post, I made sure that I had a conversation with my partner to share with him what I was feeling and thinking. I did not want him to read intimate thoughts and feelings that touched our relationship for the first time online.  Continue reading

What Is Owed?

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Beginning the process of divorcing from someone you were married to for twenty-three years is not an easy process. It is complicated by the central reason we grew apart and separated in the first place: I could no longer tamp down, suppress, compartmentalize, that I was a gay man.  Continue reading

Three Years

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It has been over three years since I left my marriage of twenty years and moved out of my house to begin a new life as an out gay man at 55 years of age. It has been a fantastic and life-changing few years. I have loved every minute of my new life and have approached starting over with a sense of fun and energy and drive that I did not know I was capable of.  Continue reading

Loving a Man versus Loving a Woman

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There was a man I got to know as I began coming out. Gary and I met on Grindr on a Friday evening in the Fall of 2011 as I sat in a restaurant, near Dupont Circle, eating dinner. I had just driven into Washington, D.C. from work and was grabbing a quick bite before heading off to a support group meeting for gay, bisexual and queer men who were, or had been involved with, or married to women.  Continue reading

Hating The Gay Within

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A man that I recently met told me that he liked to have sex with men, but that he did not consider himself gay or bisexual. He did not feel any need to have gay friends and wanted nothing to do with the gay community. I asked him if he ever saw himself having a boyfriend or developing an intimate relationship with another man. He did not. He said that he simply liked sex with men, period. Continue reading

“Restoring Marriage” is Code for Hate

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Stuart Gaffney (L) and John Lewis, plaintiffs in the 2008 Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) case, celebrate while traveling along Market Street during the annual Gay Pride Parade in San Francisco, California on June 28, 2015, two days after the US Supreme Court’s landmark ruling legalizing same-sex marriage nationwide. AFP PHOTO / JOSH EDELSON (Photo credit should read Josh Edelson/AFP/Getty Images)

The Family Leader is a Christian organization whose mission is to, “Strengthen families, by inspiring Christ-like leadership in the home, the church, and the government.” They do this, according to their website by, transforming the culture; impacting elections; and influencing policy. Continue reading