When is it too late to start over? I know a man in his late sixties who only discovered that he was gay a few years ago. As he has worked through what he wants for his life he recently made the decision that finding intimacy and possibly love with another man was important to him. After forty five years of marriage to a woman, he has decided to make a few changes.
A common refrain I have heard from older men, coming out later in life, after marriages to women, is this: “I have found the man of my dreams. I’m so happy.” That is, of course, until a few weeks later, when I hear, “It was incredible until he broke my heart. I’m devastated.”
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When I look back at my journals from 2012 when I first began to come out, what I wrote extensively about was finding love. I wrote in one journal entry, “I want true love. I want to find that one guy who I can be a soul mate with, that I can be honest and real with and have a deep connection with. Is it possible? I really don’t know. I feel that so many of us are so damaged by this age, that I’m not sure what I want is real or attainable.” Continue reading
The first dance at our wedding, a suggestion from my mother, was to be Norah Jones song, Come Away With Me. Continue reading
I participate in a support group for gay and bisexual men who are or have been married or are in relation to a woman. In a recent meeting, I was struck by something one man said. This is a man who is married, living with his wife, but not out to her. When he thinks about a future life with a man, he wants “the normality of it.” Continue reading
It has been over a month since we have been isolated in our home, avoiding all social contact, leaving only to go to the supermarket or drug store. While my days have the feeling of ‘groundhog day’, I can not say I am overly bothered by it. In some ways, I like this slower pace. I am someone who usually fills up my day with plans and appointments, generally too busy to take a breath. Being home has let me resume writing this blog and to experience life at a slower pace. But boredom is beginning to set in. Continue reading
As a newly married man, I am finding some interesting things about this venerable institution. For one the sex is better. I do not know why but getting married has rekindled a greater passion between me and my husband. I also find myself looking at my newly minted husband through fresh eyes: ‘you are the one I plan to spend the rest of my life with’, and it is nice. Continue reading
We had two important goals when we left the house this morning: get married and buy toilet paper. Now our two goals might seem incompatible but they are not during a pandemic. Continue reading
When the world is staying at home, and your wedding officiant is across the country fearful of traveling through airports and in planes, the only option left is to move the wedding online. Continue reading
Trying our best to get married
I have been dating my partner, now my finance, for over five years. Five years and three months to be exact. We met shortly after I made the decision to come out, had separated from my wife, and moved into my own apartment. We met at a Meetup group that held monthly dinners in local restaurants for gay and bi men. A mutual friend introduced us. But, it would be eight months before we would go on our first date. Continue reading
