Pumping

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Back in the early 1970s as I was beginning to explore my sexuality and my attraction to men, I began to buy and collect gay porn magazines. I hid them in the hollowed out back of my mother’s old portable record player which I used as a nightstand. Continue reading

Orgasm Trifecta

inside shorts

As a young man experiencing the pleasure of orgasm for the first time it was inconceivable to me that this pleasure could ever go away. If an older person had told my teen or twentysomething self that my orgasms would change and evolve as I aged I do not think I would have believed it. Continue reading

P-Shot: What Happened Next?

PRP After Centrifuging

As I wrote in the prior post, the actual P-Shot, while a little uncomfortable, was a much better experience than I had expected. There was one small bruise where one needle had gone in, which soon cleared up, but otherwise, my penis looked and felt pretty much the same.

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Passing Water

In my early 40’s, I began to experience difficulty urinating. I learned from a urologist that I had BPH, Benign prostatic hyperplasia. BPH is a benign growth of the prostate, that, over time, as it continues to grow, makes it harder and harder for a man to pee. A man’s prostate, like his ears and nose, continues to grow as he ages. Ok, who designed this system? BPH affects most men at some point in their lives.  Continue reading

The Little Death

Litany Against Fear from the book Dune, by Frank Herbert

There is real death, and then there is what I think of as, the little death. When I use this term I do not mean what people describe as, la petite more, a term that is tied to the feelings at the point of orgasm. I always think of, the little death, as it was described in the book Dune, by Frank Herbert. He writes in the Litany Against Fear: “I have no fear, for fear is the little death that kills me over and over. Without fear, I die but once.”  Continue reading

The Cause

dripping faucet

As I headed towards my 50th birthday in 2008 a number of things in my life were beginning to converge. I was increasingly dissatisfied with my marriage. As the world around me began to celebrate being LGBT, I was in hiding. I felt that I was going through the motions: holidays with my wife’s family; birthdays with the same birthday cakes year after year. I felt increasingly lonely, isolated, and compartmentalized. I played the role of husband, father, breadwinner while an internal battle raged about my identity and sexual orientation. Continue reading

Full Force

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The paradox of who I am today and the functioning of my body at fifty-eight years old is not what I once expected of growing older. I began to come out in my early fifties after years of hiding who I was and trying to tamp down my attraction to men. Finally when I come out, full force, my body no longer works the way it once did.   Continue reading