No Longer Myself

What alters our sense of self?  How do major life events make us feel less ourselves, and at times, have us lose sight of who we are? Continue reading

The Little Death

Litany Against Fear from the book Dune, by Frank Herbert

There is real death, and then there is what I think of as, the little death. When I use this term I do not mean what people describe as, la petite more, a term that is tied to the feelings at the point of orgasm. I always think of, the little death, as it was described in the book Dune, by Frank Herbert. He writes in the Litany Against Fear: “I have no fear, for fear is the little death that kills me over and over. Without fear, I die but once.”  Continue reading

Becoming One

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Today I am an out and proud gay man. I am out in every facet of my life. But this has not always been the case.  Continue reading

Traveling In The Closet

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I am fully out as a gay man at the company where I work. I came out over a year and a half ago. But when I work outside the four walls of my company, it can feel like I am back in the closet. I serve on the board of directors of a company that my company owns, along with six other companies. Four times a year, I fly off to different cities for the board meetings. I have never come out to my fellow board members. One of the Vice President’s of the company, on whose board I serve, is an out lesbian, and I am out to her. She is a ray of light to me in this staid business relationship. Continue reading

A Continual Act of Coming Out

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This morning I spoke to a man who is in the process of separating from his wife and getting a divorce. He told me that he loves his wife, but after she found emails between him and other men that he was having sex with, their marriage broke down. He described himself as bisexual and equally attracted to both men and women. He went on to describe that he had not come out to his adult children or his friends and family because of how people see bisexuality. He feels that most people believe that bisexuality does not exist and that a man who claims he is bi is really just gay but cannot admit it. His wife had told him that she thought that he was really gay, which is very unfortunate. Continue reading

Sexuality and Aging

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When you are in your 20’s no one ever tells you how your body will age sexually. You just think it will go on with the same intensity and functionality forever. But the reality is a bit different. Continue reading

Insidious Evil

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My fear in rereading the chapter on Male Homosexuality in David Reuben’s 1969 book, Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex* (*But Were Afraid to Ask), something I had not read since I was fourteen or fifteen, was that his sick distortions about homosexuality would get inside my head. When I finally did reread the chapter, it was so outlandish in its portrayal of homosexuality that it seemed laughable and sad at the same time. Ruben’s utter contempt, breezy sneering, and high minded superiority for homosexuality have an ugly and evil quality. Continue reading

Texted, Circa 2015

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My son texted me today with a simple question: “Hey, remember when we went to Florida with grandma, grandpa, my cousins, and everyone. How old was I?” In a digital age, all information is accessible, and I began to look online at my pictures that are backed up online. I quickly found a family picture from that trip to celebrate my mother’s 80th birthday dated December 2008 and texted my son. Continue reading

Brave New Gay World

Biden at HRC dinner

The phrase, internalized homophobia, sounds like such a clinical term for something that is so insidious and works within so many gay men.

Wikipedia describes internalized homophobia this way:

“Internalized homophobia refers to negative stereotypes, beliefs, stigma, and prejudice about homosexuality and LGBT people that a person with same-sex attraction turns inward on themselves, whether or not they identify as LGBT.” Continue reading