No Longer Home

Since before my wife’s death this past April, I began to live in the house that I had moved out of four years earlier when I began my life as an out gay man. I had never planned to live in our house again. But that all changed as my wife’s health declined from terminal cancer.  Continue reading

The Hardest Road

 

On Tuesday my wife got a port put in her chest for the two chemo drugs she started yesterday to treat her cancer. The procedure, which took place at a local hospital, was expected to last an hour. My wife and her parents were at the hospital for six hours. When I heard how the day was going I offered to make them dinner so they could sit down to a hot meal immediately upon their return from the hospital. I knew they would all be exhausted.  Continue reading

Medical Hall of Mirrors

 

Since graduate school, when I had to buy my first computer, a pre-MS DOS machine, I have been online.  No, not the internet.  The internet did not exist in 1982 when I started graduate school. But leading-edge, circa 1982, online services did exist. In 1982 I would dial out to The Source, and a few years later to CompuServe, when they acquired The Source, and then in the early 1990’s the internet.  Continue reading

Looking At The Future With No Regrets

cancer treatment 2

In my work, I have often prided myself at being able to look at a project and know from the onset if it would be a success or a failure. This same ability to project into the future and imagining what will be has always been a part of my life.  I can often look at a situation and see the essential outlines or framework of what it will be in the future, even if I can not see the details.  Continue reading

God Wanted Me To Have Bigger Closets

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Over five and a half years ago, I came out to my wife as a gay man for the second time. The first time I came out to her was soon after we met twenty-five years ago. After painfully wrestling with the kind of life I wanted to live going forward, I made the decision to move out of my marriage. My wife and I separated over three and a half years ago.  Continue reading

My Thanksgiving Day

Sunset at Provincetown, MA – November 23, 2016 

Somehow the tradition of thanksgiving, with the abundance of food, plates heaped full of food, a myriad of desserts, and that stuffed slick feeling later has always seemed to be a very strange tradition.  Continue reading

Deeply Romantic

I spoke last night to a close friend of mine and something he said took me by surprise. Like me, he came out later in life — me in my mid 50’s and him in his early 60’s. He is about sixty-three now, handsome in a rugged way and in great shape. After a lot of soul searching, he chose to stay in his marriage but agreed with his wife to open up the marriage so that he could date men. He has been dating a young man for the last year. Continue reading

Human or Animal?

One of my favorite sci-fi books of all time is Dune by Frank Herbert. In one of the early riveting scenes, Paul Atreides, son of Duke Leto, is given the test of the gom jabbar by the Reverend Mother Gaius Helen Mohiam. Without going into the details of what the test is – you will have to read the book — the purpose of the test is to know if Paul is human. If Paul is not human then he is an animal.  Continue reading

A Real Mensch

Liposarcoma

At the end of September, at 5:20 in the morning, I got a call from my wife. “I am in the emergency room. They did a CT scan and found a mass in my abdomen.” “Do you want me to come to the hospital?”  “Yes.”  Continue reading