With HIV a manageable disease today, I felt that coming out later in life had its pluses. I hid from the terror of AIDS and HIV for years. In fact, it was AIDS arriving on the scene that was one important factor that had me go back deeply into the closet after a few years straddling the fence. While COVID-19 is a different kind of disease than HIV and AIDS, today we all live in fear of the stranger.  Continue reading

An Out, Drunken, Bonding Weekend

This weekend I visited my son at college for his fraternity’s fathers weekend. As a gay man I was not quite sure what to expect. Before coming I asked my son, jokingly, was I going to have to play football? A sport which I know very little about. He assured me, no football. Continue reading

The Sex I Could Have Had

Oh, the sex I could have had. I came of age in the wild and hedonistic period of gay culture, the 1970’s, where disco music ruled. While I was not very active in gay culture, I would occasionally foray out. I remember one night in college, dancing shirtless at a bar at the foot of Christopher Street and the West Side Highway, packed with hot, sweaty men. It was an incredible intoxicating experience. But that night was more of the exception. Most of my life, at this time, was generally more contained and controlled.

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Old Friends

We met first semester of college in 1976 and I had a crush on David all through that first year. We slept together twice and I remember fragments of that time: entering his room; how his bed was set in the cubby hole of a space; how he looked naked and what we did together. But we were both so confused back then. I was in therapy that begun when I was 16 to change from homosexuality, but actively experimenting with men all through that freshman year. He was beginning to come out, but confused in his own way. It never really worked between us and I changed colleges after that first year, but in my heart the crush remained. I saw David one last time during the summer after freshman year where I visited him at his home for an afternoon. And that was it. Continue reading