Somehow my husband and I picked the perfect place to sit out a pandemic. We live in a suburban neighborhood in a rented house. Our small development backs up to a county park. We try and do two loops through the park and neighborhood, which is two miles, for our daily walk, weather permitting. We do not wear masks, which so many of my friends find questionable, but we do not come close to anybody in this low-density area.
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We have been home now for over a week, leaving for only food and long walks around our neighborhood. Luckily, I am here with my partner, soon to be my husband. We compliment each other well and usually do not get on each other’s nerves. But I am anxious to get back to my more active life. I have been asking myself, what do I want to focus on with all this time on my hands? I’ve decided to resurrect this blog, which I used to write in more frequently, and to read more. I’ve also decided to watch less news.
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I will have been with my partner five years this coming January. We have lived together for a year and a half. It has been a wonderful journey but our recent talk of marriage has me all stirred up. Continue reading
I am not a Muslim nor was I born in one of the seven countries Donald Trump has chosen to block entry into the United States from. I am a white man of privilege, born in the United States. I am also an out gay man.
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Litany Against Fear
There is real death, and then there is what I think of as, the little death. When I use this term I do not mean what people describe as, la petite more, a term that is tied to the feelings at the point of orgasm. I always think of, the little death, as it was described in the book Dune, by Frank Herbert. He writes in the Litany Against Fear: “I have no fear, for fear is the little death that kills me over and over. Without fear, I die but once.”
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In my prior post I described some of my thoughts and feelings as I approached beginning divorce mediation with my wife. Before finalizing and posting my last blog post I made sure that I had a conversation with my partner to share with him what I was feeling and thinking. I did not want him to read intimate thoughts and feelings that touched our relationship for the first time online.
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A number of months ago, when my partner of a year and eight months and I first discussed the idea of living together I was very excited. But then I quickly got very scared. Although at that time I had not yet started the divorce process with my wife of 23 years, I had been avoiding doing anything that would rock the boat with her. The early explorations of co-habitation with my partner brought these issues to the forefront.
