The Wedding Kiss

As I have tried to think through why talk of marriage to my partner continues to cause a level of anxiety I have landed on the wedding kiss as one of the key triggers. Continue reading

I Make Lists

Whose life is this anyway?  I went from living my new gay life with a sense of freedom, joy, and fun to caring for my wife who was dying of cancer, caring for my father who is dying of old age, caring for my college-age son who found himself accused of hazing and working with my siblings to clean up my father’s estate, which is a mess. Continue reading

Ageless

After traveling to New York City on Amtrak, I headed for the F subway train, carrying my suitcase and backpack up and down the stairs. I got off the F train at the Lexington avenue stop and followed the signs to the uptown 6 train. The signs took everyone to a narrow broken escalator that looked to connect us to the floor above.  Continue reading

The Little Death

Litany Against Fear from the book Dune, by Frank Herbert

There is real death, and then there is what I think of as, the little death. When I use this term I do not mean what people describe as, la petite more, a term that is tied to the feelings at the point of orgasm. I always think of, the little death, as it was described in the book Dune, by Frank Herbert. He writes in the Litany Against Fear: “I have no fear, for fear is the little death that kills me over and over. Without fear, I die but once.”  Continue reading

The Cause

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As I headed towards my 50th birthday in 2008 a number of things in my life were beginning to converge. I was increasingly dissatisfied with my marriage. As the world around me began to celebrate being LGBT, I was in hiding. I felt that I was going through the motions: holidays with my wife’s family; birthdays with the same birthday cakes year after year. I felt increasingly lonely, isolated, and compartmentalized. I played the role of husband, father, breadwinner while an internal battle raged about my identity and sexual orientation. Continue reading

Opera Queens

 

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Beverly Sills in Roberto Devereux

I attended a wonderful production last night at the Metropolitan Opera in New York City of Donizetti’s, Roberto Devereux. We attended with an old friend of my partner who was in New York City for a get together of a group of Beverly Sills’ fans from across the country. Why did they choose to see this opera? According to the Met’s web site:

“Soprano Sondra Radvanovsky takes on the extraordinary challenge of singing all three of Donizetti’s Tudor queen operas in the course of a single season, a rare feat made famous by Beverly Sills—and not attempted on a New York stage since.”

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Really?

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Watching your parents and family grow old is difficult. My parents are at an age where their health continues to decline. My mother has been the caregiver for both her sister and my father as their health declined. It is not easy to see people that you love slowly slipping away from the world.

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The Passing of Matilda

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This afternoon my aunt passed away. She was 89 years old. Like all things in the internet age, I learned about my aunt’s passing from a text message my mother sent to her five children and her three daughters-in-law. Continue reading