My Life: Vignettes Over Time – Part IV

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When I look back at my journals from 2012 when I first began to come out, what I wrote extensively about was finding love. I wrote in one journal entry, “I want true love. I want to find that one guy who I can be a soul mate with, that I can be honest and real with and have a deep connection with. Is it possible? I really don’t know. I feel that so many of us are so damaged by this age, that I’m not sure what I want is real or attainable.” Continue reading

The Normality Of It

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I participate in a support group for gay and bisexual men who are or have been married or are in relation to a woman. In a recent meeting, I was struck by something one man said. This is a man who is married, living with his wife, but not out to her. When he thinks about a future life with a man, he wants “the normality of it.” Continue reading

I’m Getting Married, Again – Part III


“Got my tweed pressed, got my best vest, all I need now is the boy
Got my striped tie, got my hopes high
Got the time and the place and I got the rhythm
Now all I need’s the boy to go with’em”

-from All I Need Now Is The Girl by Jule Styne, Stephen Sondheim

I do have a wedding suit, white shirt, and tie, all pressed and ready to go. The shoes, well no one will be able to see my expensive new shoes at our virtual wedding so they may stay in the box.  I would love a haircut but all the barbershops are closed. I am stuck using my electric beard and head trimmer and trying not to butcher my hair too much.

It is really wonderful how excited our friends and family are to share in our virtual wedding. My husband and I shared with each other last night that, since we got married two weeks ago, we are less excited about the virtual wedding than we once were. But friends are writing to us that they are excited about the wedding and some are even dressing up. Which is all getting me excited again.

I had this vision of the two grooms in similar but different suits. My husband because of his pale skin bought a light blue suit and I got, with my darker complexion, a darker blue suit. We both got white shirts and funky paisley print ties in shades of blue. I expect we will be handsome, even if no one can see us in person.

We will have a wedding cake to cut and a toast with Champagne after the wedding. It should all be great fun, if not a little strange to be doing this in front of the cameras, just the two of us alone in our home.

If he’ll just appear we’ll take this big town for a whirl
And if he’ll say “My, darling, I’m yours”
I’ll throw away my striped tie and my best-pressed tweed
All I really need is the boy


I’m Getting Married, Again – Part I

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Some stories you just can not make up.  My partner, now husband, had a beautiful small in-person wedding planned for April 25th.  We had spent weeks picking the venue, a beautiful park-like setting; the caterer, whose food was incredible; a fantastic florist; a day-of-wedding planner; officiant; wedding cake baker, and more. Then came the novel coronavirus, COVID-19. Continue reading

The New Normal

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It has been over a month since we have been isolated in our home, avoiding all social contact, leaving only to go to the supermarket or drug store. While my days have the feeling of ‘groundhog day’, I can not say I am overly bothered by it. In some ways, I like this slower pace. I am someone who usually fills up my day with plans and appointments, generally too busy to take a breath. Being home has let me resume writing this blog and to experience life at a slower pace. But boredom is beginning to set in. Continue reading