Stepping Out and Starting Over

When is it too late to start over? I know a man in his late sixties who only discovered that he was gay a few years ago. As he has worked through what he wants for his life he recently made the decision that finding intimacy and possibly love with another man was important to him. After forty five years of marriage to a woman, he has decided to make a few changes.

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My Biological Clock is Ticking

What are the effects on the mind and body of being in the closet and hiding who we are? All of us who have lived in the closet have gone through periods where it was easier to hide and periods where it was much harder.

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The Man for Right Now

A common refrain I have heard from older men, coming out later in life, after marriages to women, is this: “I have found the man of my dreams. I’m so happy.” That is, of course, until a few weeks later, when I hear, “It was incredible until he broke my heart. I’m devastated.”

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My Life: Vignettes Over Time – Part IV

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When I look back at my journals from 2012 when I first began to come out, what I wrote extensively about was finding love. I wrote in one journal entry, “I want true love. I want to find that one guy who I can be a soul mate with, that I can be honest and real with and have a deep connection with. Is it possible? I really don’t know. I feel that so many of us are so damaged by this age, that I’m not sure what I want is real or attainable.” Continue reading

My Life: Vignettes Over Time – Chapter III

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My wife and I were both in our later 30’s when we married, and she was thirty-eight when we began trying to conceive. As we tried to get pregnant month after month, soon with drugs and shots to help fertilization, the limitations of my attraction made sex harder and more emotionally challenging. She finally did have a pregnancy that went to term, a few years and a few miscarriages later, and we ended up with a wonderful baby boy. She was never able to get pregnant again. As the years went on, it became more difficult to have sex with my wife, and over time I pulled back from any kind of physical intimacy. Continue reading

The Normality Of It

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I participate in a support group for gay and bisexual men who are or have been married or are in relation to a woman. In a recent meeting, I was struck by something one man said. This is a man who is married, living with his wife, but not out to her. When he thinks about a future life with a man, he wants “the normality of it.” Continue reading

I’m Getting Married, Again – Part III

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“Got my tweed pressed, got my best vest, all I need now is the boy
Got my striped tie, got my hopes high
Got the time and the place and I got the rhythm
Now all I need’s the boy to go with’em”

-from All I Need Now Is The Girl by Jule Styne, Stephen Sondheim

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