Sex With Men

I came out to my future wife on our second date. At the time my attraction to men seemed manageable and for many reasons, including years trying to change from homosexuality, something that I felt at the time was mostly in the past. We spent an intense two months wrestling with this issue before agreeing to continue dating. We married two years later. The topic of my attraction to men soon went underground for the next twenty-two years.

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Deeply Romantic

I spoke last night to a close friend of mine and something he said took me by surprise. Like me, he came out later in life — me in my mid 50’s and him in his early 60’s. He is about sixty-three now, handsome in a rugged way and in great shape. After a lot of soul searching, he chose to stay in his marriage but agreed with his wife to open up the marriage so that he could date men. He has been dating a young man for the last year. Continue reading

Loving a Man versus Loving a Woman

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There was a man I got to know as I began coming out. Gary and I met on Grindr on a Friday evening in the Fall of 2011 as I sat in a restaurant, near Dupont Circle, eating dinner. I had just driven into Washington, D.C. from work and was grabbing a quick bite before heading off to a support group meeting for gay, bisexual and queer men who were, or had been involved with, or married to women.  Continue reading

The Sex I Could Have Had

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Oh, the sex I could have had. I came of age in the wild and hedonistic period of gay culture, the 1970s, where disco music ruled. While I was not very active in gay culture, I would occasionally foray out. I remember one night in college, dancing shirtless at a bar at the foot of Christopher Street and the West Side Highway, packed with hot, sweaty men. It was an incredible intoxicating experience. But that night was more of an exception. Most of my life, at this time, was generally more contained and controlled. Continue reading

Sex and Aging

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Aging, diabetes, low testosterone, all take their toll on my 56-year-old self. Sex ain’t what it used to be. I remember in my 20’s and 30’s that sex was such a core part of my thought process and how my body functioned. Noticing men on the street and getting all stirred up. I still notice handsome men but the excitement, or stir, as I would call it, is not quite as intense, doesn’t last as long. Ah, the good old days. Continue reading

Thoughts on The Normal Heart

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I just finished watching The Normal Heart on TV. While I saw the play about two years ago at the Arena Stage in Washington DC and had read the real-life story that it was based on, And The Band Played On, by Randy Shilts, I was unprepared for how powerful the HBO movie was. I remember the early days of AIDS but turned away from the death and disease as many men did. Continue reading