Sex With Men

I came out to my future wife on our second date. At the time my attraction to men seemed manageable and for many reasons, including years trying to change from homosexuality, something that I felt at the time was mostly in the past. We spent an intense two months wrestling with this issue before agreeing to continue dating. We married two years later. The topic of my attraction to men soon went underground for the next twenty-two years.

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The Camera

I have a vivid memory of a birthday when I was around eight years old. I had gotten a brownie camera that morning, a birthday gift from my parents. I was excitedly running around the house taking pictures. Suddenly dad was angry at me. I had done something wrong in the eyes of my father. I was never exactly sure what I had done. He got angry at me, threatening some kind of punishment. I remember being very hurt that my father was yelling at me on my special day. There was something about me that could bring out my fathers anger, even thought I knew he loved me.

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Minority Stress

 

Four times a year I board a plane to attend a board meeting as a board member of a company that my employer is part owner of. While I came out last year to about half the people who attend this meeting, I have not come out to everyone, and because of that, each meeting has a certain level of stress.  Continue reading

Hating The Gay Within

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A man that I recently met told me that he liked to have sex with men, but that he did not consider himself gay or bisexual. He did not feel any need to have gay friends and wanted nothing to do with the gay community. I asked him if he ever saw himself having a boyfriend or developing an intimate relationship with another man. He did not. He said that he simply liked sex with men, period. Continue reading

Hardwired Gay

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Based on my earliest memories, I knew I was different from other boys. It was not simply learned behavior, but from the very beginning, it was something at the core of who I was. Continue reading

Fitting In With The Boys

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I never fit in with the other boys. From my earliest memories, I did not like organized sports. I preferred to play dolls with my sister, watch TV for hours on end, or imagine elaborate fantasy stories in my mind. But play baseball, football or basketball? I was not interested. Continue reading

A Continual Act of Coming Out

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This morning I spoke to a man who is in the process of separating from his wife and getting a divorce. He told me that he loves his wife, but after she found emails between him and other men that he was having sex with, their marriage broke down. He described himself as bisexual and equally attracted to both men and women. He went on to describe that he had not come out to his adult children or his friends and family because of how people see bisexuality. He feels that most people believe that bisexuality does not exist and that a man who claims he is bi is really just gay but cannot admit it. His wife had told him that she thought that he was really gay, which is very unfortunate. Continue reading

Insidious Evil

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My fear in rereading the chapter on Male Homosexuality in David Reuben’s 1969 book, Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex* (*But Were Afraid to Ask), something I had not read since I was fourteen or fifteen, was that his sick distortions about homosexuality would get inside my head. When I finally did reread the chapter, it was so outlandish in its portrayal of homosexuality that it seemed laughable and sad at the same time. Ruben’s utter contempt, breezy sneering, and high minded superiority for homosexuality have an ugly and evil quality. Continue reading