At 59 years old I am faced with an interesting set of choices. After working in the corporate world with a focus on information systems for the past 32 years in primarily profit driven companies, I have the opportunity to take a leadership role in a highly mission driven organization that provides consulting, services and programs around the world. It is an exciting opportunity but one that has me question what really is next for me. At a time when many people are looking to slow down I feel I have new vitality and excitement about the world. Coming out as a gay man has freed me to continually discover and learn who and what I am.
Today I am an out and proud gay man. I am out in every facet of my life. But this has not always been the case. I began dating a woman in 1990, who I fell in love with, and we married two years later. We have a 19 year old son together. While I had know about my attraction to men since I was fourteen, and told my wife when we first started dating, I only began to come out fully about five years ago, and subsequently moved out of my marriage almost three years ago.
I am fully out at the company where I work. I came out as a gay man over a year and a half ago. But when I work outside the four walls of my company, it can feel like I am back in the closet. I serve on the board of directors of a company that my company owns along with six other companies. Four times a year I fly off to different cities for the board meetings. I have never come out to my fellow board members. One of the Vice President’s of the company, on whose board I serve, is an out lesbian, and I am out to her. She is a ray of light to me in this staid business relationship.
I often think about how lucky I am. From the first tentative painful steps in coming out five years ago to today, where I am fully out in all parts of my life. I am sometimes amazed at how far I have traveled and how well it has gone. Here is just a few of the things that I have been involved with in the past few weeks:
On a plane heading off to vacation last December, I decided to write down my goals for 2014. Somewhat to my surprise, the first thing I put on the list was coming out at work. I had thought about coming out at work for a few months, but it didn’t really take shape in my mind until I was sitting on the plane writing my goals. I had only separated from my wife and moved out on my own last June after coming out to her two years earlier. But the time between last June and this May seems like a lifetime, and I have grown and changed significantly. Continue reading →
One of the eternal questions of my life has been around the cause of homosexuality and the means to change. For too many years I looked to psychological or emotional causes. As many men before me have said, “If there was a way to change, I would have found it”, and I don’t believe any of them ever did. I’ve come to see that whatever makes for gay is organic at a cellular atomic DNA level. Continue reading →